Love Is A Roller Coaster (An AmazingPhil/Fantastic Foursome Story)

Chapter 7-Ashley's POV

~A month later~

“Fuck.” I bury my face in my wet pillow, holding my arm off of the bed. Suddenly there’s a soft knock on the door.

“Night, Ash.” Phil...no.

“Night.” I try not to croak between my sobs, but my voice comes out hoarse anyway. I know he picks up on it, because he opens the door. I scramble to pull down my sleeves again, wiping my eyes quickly and trying to cover up my blotchy face with my hair. Phil crosses the room to sit on the bed beside me. “I’m tired, is all. Really, Phil.”

“Look me in the eyes and say that.” I glance up quickly, kissing him.

“Really, Phil. Just let me sleep.” He glances at the back of my arm and I have to use every ounce of willpower in me not to  move it.

“Alright. I’ll be back tonight.” He kisses me on the forehead and walks out of the room.

“Close the door please?” He does, and I pull my sleeve back up again. Now I have to try getting the blood out of Phil’s green sweatshirt without him noticing. Great. The tears start streaming down again as I pull off the shirt, running it under cold water. I let the faucet run and slink down to the floor, my back pressed against the sink. Why can’t I just be happy? I have Phil, the best thing that could possibly happen to me. He lives in my room, thanks to my begging, watching over me all the time, just like before I met him. But this is the first time he hasn’t saved me from cutting, whether he knows it or not. Why am I so stupid!? I am itching for the razor, even though I put it down just minutes ago. Before I can do something stupid, I grab the sweatshirt hastily, stuffing it into the hamper.

Running a red towel under the water, I rub my arm clean slowly. I keep my eyes closed so I don’t get tempted. when I reluctantly open them, all that’s left are soft pink lines. Before having the chance to stare at them too long, I throw on a hoodie to sleep in and crawl into my side of the bed, hating myself for finally breaking skin. Still crying, I eventually drift off.

~~~

I can smell eggs. Did they make me breakfast again? Stretching, I attempt to roll over, realizing that my sleeves are pulled up slightly and I have Phil’s shirt in my hands again. FUCK. Maybe it happened since he left...? I get out of bed and slowly make my way downstairs. Normally when Phil makes me food I can hear him talking to Dan, but all there is is silence. “Morning, Phil. Did you have a good sleep?” I refuse to meet his gaze, sitting down at the far end of our small table.

“Yeah. Did you?” I nod shyly as he places a plate in front of me. It has one pancake on it, with a heart of strawberries and whipped cream drawn on. “Dan and Natalie are still asleep, but I wanted to make you something special.” I gulp hard, nervously chewing a small bite of pancake. Before I can swallow it, I finally notice what Phil is wearing. I look up, meeting his eyes, unfortunately. I can feel tears starting to well up in my eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Jumping out of my chair, I hug him tight, rubbing my face on his shoulder. His arm is still damp. “I’m so sorry...I just.” My words are cut off from the closing of my throat, and Phil takes it all. He just stands there, stroking my hair and sharing his love.

“Don’t be sorry. I’ll make sure it never happens again.” There come the tears.