Punk & Pink (Muke)

1.4

Luke:

I look at myself in the mirror, I hate it. I look absolutely horrible.

We're having a dinner with my uncle's family and I can't say I like them. My parents accept me for who I am and most people do... My uncle isn't one of those people. I always have to dress like a typical boy when I go over there and I hate it.

It's not that they don't know how I dress, it's just that it makes them uncomfortable to see me like that. I usually doesn't follow over there but we are celebrating that my uncle is turning 50 so I kind of have to go because it's a family thingy.

"I like that shirt." My brother says to me where he stands in the door. I smile because the shirt is the only thing I like about my outfit...

It's Michael's shirt... I brought it from his depop a few weeks back. I smile at the small holes in the tip of the Green Day shirt. I remember when he used to ruin his shirts like that with small holes.

I have my brother's old jeans and they fit awfully, they are so baggy and I am not enjoying it at all.

I am at least allowed to wear my all black converse because they aren't divided in a special gender like literally everything else in the world... I hate gender stereotypical things... I hate stereotypical things.

"It's kind of weird seeing you without at least mascara... and your hair looks so weird with a snapback. You look like someone else" I try not to cry when Ben says that... I hate this I hate the way I look when I'm wearing this.

"Let's go" I say and walk away from the mirror. I do not need to see myself right now, I am so ashamed that I need to be dressed like this right now.

I wish I could stay home but that would be so rude that I would feel guilty for years.

I follow my mom out of the house and I can see that she feels a little bad that I have to dress like this, well it's only for one night... I didn't dress like a "girl" for the first 13 years of my life I can go though one night... at least I don't have to go back in to the closet for one night... I wouldn't be able to handle pretending being straight again now when I know what it is to be out.

I take my phone and upload a picture to Instagram of me in my clothes that I am wearing right now.

"Not the happiest I have been but what don't I do for family...."

I get loads of people telling me that I would look hot if I dressed like a dude... most of them being girls from my school who thought I was a weirdo for dressing like a girl...

Then there is my internet friends that are understanding... those are commenting that I shouldn't have to change who I am for anyone. I am so happy that not everyone is idiots like people in my school.