Salim and Kayal #Watty's 2016 # YourStoryIndia #ProjectWomanUp

'We' became 'Us'

Content Warning: Slightly mature content in the first part of Salim's POV.

Kayal's POV

Initially I was against the practice of wearing 'Thaali' (Sacred thread with a pendant tied in marriage) because Thanthai Periyar, a reformist and Pioneer of Self Respect Movement was against Thaali. He felt Thaali worn by men in a woman's neck sanctions men undue authority according to Hindu rites and rituals. But, it was sometime during my Under Graduation days my Appa made me realize that Thaali is a Tamilian custom. Many Vedic Scholars say tying a Thaali has never been a part of Kanyadhaan (Hindu Practice of giving the daughter to the bridegroom in marriage). It seems in olden days men used to hunt for animals and the claws of the animal were used as the pendant of Thaali, speaking about their valor.

In my humble research I also found out that in earlier days sometimes after the glory of hunting was replaced by civilization the Thaali pendant was made with olai (Dried palm leaf on which letters can be inscribed) inscribed with the bride and bridegroom's name and the date of their marriage. So, instead of having some Hindu Symbols on my Thaali, I designed our Thaali with our names and then date of our marriage. On the back side of the circular pendant, both I and Salim agreed to have the logo I created with the first letter of our names. My Amma suggested using some symbols which may mean that we should be blessed that our generation should live for years. I first thought of designing Banana tree or a Banyan tree due to their symbolic representation in marriage, but both of them are quite hard to design in a small pendant. So I settled with flowers showering on the logo. Reshma is a Jewellery designer. So she transferred my design from my Canvas to JewelCAD, software used for designing Jewels. The Goldsmith was one of her trusted Goldsmith. After buying it from the goldsmith, Salim told me that he was happy with the final product. Thank God.

The pendant was tied in strings of cotton thread dipped in Turmeric and was kept on a plate with flowers and turmeric mixed rice. Guests should bless the Thaali and take some turmeric mixed rice and flowers to shower on the couple at the time of wearing the Thaali.

I just changed to my Koora Pudavai (Bridal wear Saree) after getting blessings from our family elders. Salim changed to Veshti and shirt which was originally white in color but now turned to yellow color because it was dipped in turmeric water and dried. My cousin brother Mathi had worn him a Metti (Silver Toe ring), symbolizing as a brother he is okay with giving my hand to Salim. Wearing Metti by both women and men is a social practice. It is supposed to be beneficial for the reproductive organs.

Today, Thendral wore me very simple make up to go with my simple saree. It looked great. I went to the stage with butterflies in my stomach to marry my husband again.

In Suya Mariyadhai Thirumanam (Self Respect Marriage, pioneered by Thanthai Periyaar) both the bride and the bridegroom simply declare their consent to marry, but we decided to tweak it a little and add vows to it. A mic was given in my hand. I turned towards Salim who was looking at me with a smile. "Kayal aagiya naan Salim Ali aagiya thanghalai, enathu petror Thiru Gugan matrum Thirumathi Ilakkiya avargalin munnilaililum, ingu amarnthu irukkum saandror matrum Iraivan saatchyiaagavum thangalai mananthida oppu kolgiren. Thangaludan inainthu anbum aramum saarntha illaram samaika uruthi seygiren. Vaazhkaiyum neramum nammai evvaru maatrinaalum, entha nilaiyilum entha tharunathilum ungalukku thunaiyaagavum, balamaagavum iruppen endru vaakalikiren.

(I Kayal agree to marry you Salim Ali in the presence of my parents Thiru Guhan and Thirumathi Ilakkiya, respected elders of our families and God as witness. I promise to make a home filled with love and virtue with you. However life and time may change us, I vow to be your support and strength at all times)".