Salim and Kayal #Watty's 2016 # YourStoryIndia #ProjectWomanUp

The End

One year and six months later

Kayal's POV

As soon as Salim entered our home, Nesan hugged his legs. He complained, "Vappa, Amma adichi (Vappa, Amma had hit me)."

"Ya Allah. Did Amma hit my little Nesan? Why did Amma hit you?"

I served him water. Nesan continued, "I put Pillow in mouth."

He looked at me confused. "Which pillow is he talking about?"

"Your awesome son had torn the stitches of the pillow and put in some wool from it in his mouth and nose. Now don't ask me, what I was doing all the time. I was in the loo for one minute. By that time he did this. I had a hard time in removing it from his mouth and nose."

"Alhamdulillah. Why did you do this pa? Why wouldn't Amma hit you if you hurt yourself like this? Let Vappa check your mouth. Open it."

Salim scrutinized his mouth, nose and also ears. He let him go only after few minutes. When he was busy playing with his toy Salim came near me and hugged me. I so needed that hug. Out of the blue Nesan came near us and pulled my Kurta. "This is my Vappa, not your Vappa." Both of us sighed.

He is hopelessly possessive about Salim as well as me. In the sense when he is angry with Salim, he will say, 'This is my Amma, not your Amma' and he doesn't let us even touch each other. The frustration of doing nothing but just being his mother is slowly building upon me. I don't know how to let out my frustration. I am struggling to make some time for myself. Running behind him consumes too much of energy. It is only when he naps in the afternoon, I get some 'Me time'.

That night when he slept, Salim pulled me so that I can lay my head on his lap.

"En Azhagi, I want to tell you something. I want you to think about it."

"What is it?"

He gently stroked my hair. "When was the last time you watered your plants? When was the last time you did something which you wanted to do?"

"Salim, I don't have any time for anything other than Nesan. With great difficulty, I am reading novels in his nap time. You know this society is so stupid that it makes even motherhood a competitive job. Every time I go to the pediatrician that nurse gives me a look as if I am a very bad mother, after checking his weight. There are other kids who have chubby cheeks and look like Amul babies (Amul is a brand of milk and milk products in India, the poster child of Amulspray, an infant food product used to be an envy of many mothers). She asks me whether I am feeding him food at all. His play school teacher treats me as an incompetent mother because instead of reading from a picture book, it seems he had simply torn them that too hard bound ones which are quite expensive. What am I supposed to do? The other day that neighbor aunty gave me a lecture that I should teach him good manners because he refused to recite any rhymes when she asked him to. He simply said 'No, I can't' and started playing with his toys. And you know what, all through my life, I fought for my own identity. I refused to add my Father's name or even your name after my name. But now everybody calls me as 'Irainesan Amma (Irainesan's Mother).' I am happy to be a mother. But it is, it is...., I don't know what to say."

He pulled me up and let me snuggle in his chest. He gently stroked my hair, but used his stern tone. "Be patient and listen to me. First, the society may be stupid, but you are even more stupid for letting people's ignorant remarks hurt you. A nurse in a hospital is nobody to judge you. You know that you are feeding him properly. It is just because of our family genes that he is thin. But he doesn't fall under low weight. As with his play school, that's what kids do or should do. You can't force an active toddler to see a picture book and say a story. That is a very dumb thing to do. For him tearing the book might be more interesting. Our neighbors are nobody to judge our parenting skills. He is not a showman to recite alphabets and rhymes for every visitor. Children should do only things what they want to do. Still enough talking about him."