The Night Is Young

Cute Guys and Unwanted Tears

Days, Months, Years….

Graduation comes and goes and I’m left with the distant memory of who I thought he was, of who I hoped him to be.

There’s a party at his house, right now. But I’m in my room, huddled in the corner as I think about his lips, his eyes, that scar just above his eyebrow. I remember him, I can smell his scent as if it were the other day. Light, and soft, the smell of his cologne lingered in my nose for days to come after. I breathed in the last him before I washed it away, but his scent stayed fastened to my clothes. I can smell him now, right now as I press my back against the wooden wall.

WHY am I here?

The blue splattered ceiling can’t answer my question, neither can the humming of my sister in the next room. Daddy’s away pulling a night shift, mamas away resting in her grave. Me and Ashley are alone for the night, but her sudden laughter in the next room tells me different.

The curiosity inside my mind bubbles over and I can’t resist the urge to press my ear against the thin wall.So

“Shh, shh,” laughter disturbs her words and a male voice sounds, “She can’t hear us.”

My palm has more sense than I do, it slaps against the wall just as an audible moan sounds out. Images of the two of them joined together pricks into the tender parts of my mind and it isn’t until I’ve finished that I realize I’ve been screaming the whole time, “Shut up!”

I know what they’re thinking, their silence is just as audible as their moans.

Freak

Loser

That’s who I’ve been for years, that’s who I’ve hated for weeks. Its then that the full memory of him takes over my mind and I can picture him as I did then. Fingers,flesh,light,kisses,murmurs,sweet nothings float around until I’m shaking in agony.

WHY won’t he leave me alone?

His memory, his lips, just as fresh and soft against mines as the day I found him.

BOOM

My door bangs against the wall adjacent to it and Ashley leans against it with a disgruntled expression. The light from the hallway sneaks into my room and I can clearly see her features. Tall,thin, and dark she gets most of her features from Daddy, mamas genes are lost inside of me. I see her when I press my palms against the sink and lean forward. Her eyes large and brown widen and her lips form to utter words, words I never allow myself to speak.

I miss you.

I miss you too.

Ashley crosses her thin arms, one over the other and searches for my face in the dark, “Right here.” I raise my phone and flash it around.

“Shouldn’t you be at work?”

Sisterly affection is lost on her, she can’t see love unless its with a guy. I’m lost to her, “Graduation night. They let me off.”

She looks up at my ceiling, what little bit she can see from the light brightly shining on my old phone. My eyes follow hers, just beyond the ceiling fan, right next to it. It’s a picture, a life sized portrait of the four of us pasted on my ceiling, “Get rid of it.”

I turn my head to the side, that’s the answer I give her. She has no right to tell me how to cope, she has no right to tell me what to forget and what to remember.

“Bae wh---oh wasup?”

The urge to throw something at this strange boy is growing.Long baggy jeans, too big t-shirty clothes the frame of the tall bright boy peering into my room. I don’t know him, but I know I don’t like him already. He doesn’t know me, I doubt if he even knows that Ashley is my fraternal twin.