Blue

06

song: To Build A Home

music

it made her want to dance

something about it

just pulled her heart strings

made her feel,

pulled her out of numbness..

she wanted to move

her feet wanted to glide

across the floor.

she knew she would look

awkward

and weird

but she wanted to believe

that she could be elegant

that she could show

how she felt

in a simple dance.

she closed her door,

and pressed the lock,

because what would her family say?

Then,

she restarted the song

she was listening to

and began to dance.

She danced away,

the pain

the loneliness

the numbness

the tears

all coming out at once

making her heart beat

faster

and

faster

and

faster

because she was alone

and dancing felt so good

even though she wasn't good at it.

her breath was short

coming out in pants

but she pretended

that she was dressed

in a beautiful costume

that complimented her.

She imagined

that she wasn't bad at dancing,

and instead,

continued to dance

to the sweet melody

of the piano,

extending her arms

and legs

and twirling

and spinning

and leaping

all in her room

even though it was one AM.

Then,

she tripped

and fell

and everything

came crashing around her

because she was alone

alone

alone

she was

alone

and her heart

was beating

to the beat of the song

only,

the singer

was singing about home

and she didn't feel at home.

her home

was far

away.

she wasn't even sure

if it even counted as a home anymore

and she found herself crying

because nobody was there

they were all gone

all

gone

and she was alone...

she put her head

between her knees

trying desperately

to hold back the sobs

that were pushing

to come out.

the loneliness

was crushing her

slowly

and the dancing

didn't help..

just made her forget

for a few short minutes

that she was alone

that nobody was there

not anymore.

no one was there

to hug her

to wipe the tears

to tell her it was okay

okay to cry

that she wasn't alone

that she

wasn't

alone...

alone

she

was

alone...

she had to pull herself together

because nobody should know

her burden.

not her parents

not her brother

not her sister...

whenever she felt alone

even around them

they just assumed

she had a headache

and that was all..

she wondered if

they ever wondered

if she wasn't okay

if maybe there was something more

than just a headache

going on

but they never noticed

and she would never tell

because it wasn't their burden,

it was hers

and hers alone.

there was that word again...

alone.

alone

alone

alone

alone

alone

alone

alone

she was

alone