Blue

10

you know that feeling

when all you want to do

is curl into a ball

and do nothing

feel nothing

think nothing?

because that's how she felt

and the feeling came more often than it should

if it should even come at all. 

it felt like nobody around her 

understood what she was going through

like she couldn't talk to anyone

because nobody was there to understand. 

it seems like everyone in her life

is leaving 

or is already gone. 

nobody understood 

when she said that all her close friends 

lived far away...

all two of them

but two felt like the whole world

because it wasn't like she was close to anyone else.

maybe that's why she spent hundreds of dollars

on gifts for people she wasn't even close to 

because then it would seem like

she had lots of close friends.

in reality,

it just made her sad.

why waste all this money

on people she barely talked to?

it wasn't like she needed it though. 

she only ever spent it on food

and lord knows she ate enough food.

at least it was winter break

so there was no school to worry about

even though she did have homework

and a project hanging over her head

due the day back from break.

but she wasn't even worried about that, 

even though she should be

because at this point she was only numb.

she was tired of being judged

tired of feeling alone

tired of feeling isolated

tired of feeling different yet the same

tired of feeling trapped

tired of feeling controlled

tired of not feeling good enough.

all she wanted

was to curl into a ball

and do nothing

because that was better 

then feeling everything

and being so busy 

that she didn't have time to breathe...

not that she could really breathe all that well

because she was sick

and had a runny nose