Blue

04

to anyone else,

nothing was wrong

but,

nothing was right

not to her.

she wanted to go somewhere

anywhere

just to escape.

everything was caving in on her..

the laughter

the snide remarks

the loneliness

were closing in on her

and she just

needed

to escape.

nothing was right

but to anyone else

nothing was wrong

because how could they tell

that she was dying inside?

how would they know

that she wanted to curl up into a ball

and cry

and cry

and cry

but couldn't?

she needed to escape

but she couldn't

not without them finding out

and she couldn't let that happen.

so she would stay

no matter how much it killed her

because she could never take a risk

because she was afraid

afraid of getting caught

afraid of failing

afraid of escaping

the very thing she wanted so desperately. 

why couldn't it be as easy

as a 1 2 3?

why couldn't she fly away?

why couldn't she be something else?

something more

something better

something not so weak

or afraid

or insecure

or lonely.

she felt weak

and she could feel the tears coming

because she couldn't escape

she couldn't escape the feelings

the emotions

the world

her world

her empty world.

they just assumed that she was fine

"do you have a headache?"

they asked

when she didn't talk as much

when she just sat there

feeling nothing

wanting nothing more 

than to cry

and escape.

but she didn't say that

how could she?

she just nodded her head

and acted as though it was just a mere headache

acted like nothing was wrong

like she always does.

sometimes she's okay

but most of the time

she's just tired.

tired of being trapped

tired of being lonely

tired of the same thing

every 

single

damn

day.

where was the key?

what did she have to do to escape?

was there an end to the  misery?

she could think of one.

one escape.

but to escape like that?

she couldn't do that.

she

was 

too

afraid

to 

die.

she just wanted

to travel.

to have someone there for her

to hold her

to love her

to let her cry

to understand her

to not judge her.

the only person she had ever known like that

who was ever that person to her

lived miles 

and miles

and miles

away

and she hadn't seen that person

in years

and years

and years.

why couldn't she be okay?

why didn't people love her?

why don't they notice

that everything is wrong

and nothing is right?

why

can't 

they

see

past 

the 

smile?