Out of the Darkness (Luke Hemmings/ Ashton Irwin Fanfic)

Prolog (edited)

Sometimes it feels like your whole world is falling apart. The people you trust the most might hurt you in the most horrible way. You tell them every little detail, but it seems like they do not listen to a word you say.

You may never know who your real friends are. I thought I knew I could rely on him. But something changed.

You may find yourself wondering, why I knew something like that was going to happen. I knew it, when he started to forget that we were supposed to meet. He started to slowly drift away from my life. And when he stopped telling me everything and kept secrets from me, I definitely knew what was going to happen.

My best friend since kindergarten betrayed me, because after all those years of convincing me that I was a special person and that we'll never be apart, he told me that he didn't care anymore and at some point I stopped caring myself. Well, who would care for someone like me. I started to physically hurt myself, because the emotional pain wasn't enough.

Later on I finally realized that I was wrong. That there were people caring for me. That I was beautiful in any kind of way. And I stopped thinking about him, about us and about the pain he caused me. I stopped reopening old scares and they started to fade away, becoming just a distant memory. Like he was.

But he came back. Trying to act like he'd been there all this time; like nothing of this ever happened between us; like he was still my best friend and didn't crush my heart and my soul.
I'd built up so many walls over the past few years, trying to not get attached to anyone. But somehow, with a touch of his hand, they disappeared. And I couldn't do anything about it.

He doesn't know what has happened over those past few years and I intend to keep it that way. I am definitely not going to tell him that I shut everyone out because of him. That the only thing that mattered for me was the blade in my hand and the blood running down my arm. That it took a lot of healing and time to finally realize that I am not worthless.

I tried to tell him that I was okay, that we were okay. That I forgave him for what he did to me. But the problem is, that he wants me on tour with him and his band. (Like that's going to happen.)

He believes that we are still the same people we were three years ago. But to be honest, I've changed, a lot.

I was never that kind of person who wouldn't trust people, but nowadays the only one I can truly trust is my best friend Julie. She was there for me when no one else was. When my world had shattered in front of me. When I needed someone to talk, but nobody was there. Except she was. She had gone through thick and thin with me.

At first she didn't know about my self-harming, but at some point she noticed the band aids and scars appearing all over my body. She had me sit down with her and talk about what I was doing. That this was not a solution to my problem. Afterwards I had to hand her all my blades (and she knew when I was keeping another one hidden, but told her that I had given her every single one of them) and flushed them down the toilet.

On regular basis, she would check my arms, if any new scars had appeared, but when she finally noticed that the old ones started to fade and no new ones turned up, she was so proud of me. She also made me go and see a therapist for quite a while, which also helped my healing process. I was getting better, becoming the person who I used to be, but with more confidence and fearlessness.

I began to laugh and to live again. Leaving the shadows of my past behind me. Forgetting him and forgetting what I had been through because of him.

Until one day, one a late Friday afternoon, my doorbell rang.

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Like always, since we had the same classes in school, we went to my house (or hers, depends on who's parents were home). Since my parents were out of town for the weekend we decided to have a cuddly afternoon, watching chick-flicks and maybe a sleepover afterward.

We sat on the couch, the DVD paused, because there was such a lot of gossip to talk about, when suddenly the doorbell rang. I thought that maybe it was the delivery guy, who was a bit early and brought us our Thai food already. I was still chucking, because Julie just made a hilarious comment about our new 'star couple' Marlene and Zac, who reminded both of us of Regina George and that blonde boyfriend of hers.

I grabbed my wallet from the counter, walked to the door and opened it with a big smile on my face. "I didn't know the delivery would be that fast", I said, looking down to get the money for the food.

When I looked up again, I finally took in the whole scene. That was definitely not the delivery guy. No matter what, but I could still tell who those blue eyes belonged to.

I was frozen in my spot, my mouth hanging open, looking at him with (in my opinion) really disapproving look on my face.

"Hey Monica, long time no see", Luke Hemmings, my former best friend said to me. It took me about 10 seconds to realize what he said. And that I had to react in any kind of way, like greeting him or asking how his tour was or something like that.

But instead of trying to be calm, I was furious. What was he thinking, showing up at MY house and come talk to ME?! He was the one who told me that he never wanted to see me again. He was the one who played with my feelings.

I was beyond mad at him, which kind of explained my next action. I shot him a deadly gaze and slammed the door right into his pretty face. The last thing I noticed before the front door was finally closed, was the look of disappointment on his face. But I didn't care if I hurt his feelings, because he was the one who left in the first place.

Do you know that feeling when you are really angry at someone? So mad at them you just want to cry? That was what happened to me. When I had finally processed what had happened I sunk down in the hall, tears streaming down my face.

How could he? Was he actually thinking that I would take him back in a heartbeat without even questioning his motives? Let me tell you one thing about the Luke Hemmings I knew. He never came back just because. And I know that with his appearance here, there were only two ways to get out of this. Either with or without him.

And I was not going to let him back into my life so easily. So he could shatter my heart a second time. Even if that meant that I had to hurt my own feelings to get rid of him.