I told him, he wasn't his so I wouldn't ruin his life

Chapter 8

I was choking, there was no room in my lungs for pure air it was full of smoke. Everything was moving in slow motion, but at the same time at warped speed. It felt like I was stuck in a fire filled vortex that was slowly sucking every last molecule of oxygen from my body. The smoke felt like a heavy blanket keeping me pressed into the mattress, and that’s the moment I started to panic. Carter. What if he’s scared? What if he thinks I’m gone? I have to get him…I need to get to him now. I thought to myself over and over again but I couldn’t will my muscles to function. Why would they do this to me on this very critical moment? Finally I could get up off the bed of course instead of getting to the ground I stood up and tried to look around, doing my best to control the nasty coughing the smoke was causing. Now I don’t know what happens to our brains in emergencies but every single thing I had ever learned about being in a fire went out the window because the only thing on my mind was the fact my son was alone down the hall. I ran to the door and grabbed the door knob calling out when the metal burned my hand.

“Fuck!” I knew that no matter how loud I screamed no one could hear me over the rhythm of the flames.  That’s when I started to panic…what if there was fire out there…what if I couldn’t get to Carter. Quickly I grabbed the first thing I could find on the floor and used it to open up the door. I didn’t see any flames as I glanced around trying to hold back as much coughing as I could. There wasn’t anything else possible to do I pushed through the smoke and headed towards my son’s bedroom. My hand traced along the wall as I slowly felt myself sinking closer to the floor before I knew it I was crawling along the ground. A loud crack echoed through the house as I tilted my head to look over at the stairs and see a beam fall fully engulfed in flame. I quickened my pace not even bothering to think about myself. Finally I got to the door and I used the same trick to push open the door and stand up. His room seemed to have less smoke inside which I was thankful for. 

“Carter!?” I yelled out his name opening the door looking through the smoke for him. “Baby??” Fumbling my way in the haze filled darkness I made a b line for his crib. Finally I made it to his crib, Carter was crying through the haze I could see the tears leaking down his face. “Oh thank god” I reached out for him but before I could even grab him the crib started to be engulfed in fire. I screamed so loud that I thought I was going to lose my voice forever and lunged forward to grab him...but he was gone.

“Carter?!” I called out looking around, where could he be?? The smoke was filling up my lungs more and more. I couldn’t go a step without coughing. I glanced over at the door to the room and I saw Maddy standing there with my son in her arms smirking like she was the devil….and then she was gone.  I screamed as loud as my lungs could allow before the smoke over took me. It swallowed me up before I could even make a move to save my son.

Jolting up I grabbed my chest panting and looking around my room realizing all the smoke was gone. “Carter.” I breathed out before tossing my sheets aside and running to my baby’s door and bursting through. “Oh thank god.” I said smiling when I saw my precious son lying in his crib looking completely fine. Letting out a deep breath I walked over to him and kissed his forehead. “Mama loves you baby.” I told him quietly and kissed his cheek one last time before pulling back and walking out of the room.

God that nightmare was awful…it felt so real. Lately they had been getting worse maybe it was because Gabe would message me right before I’d fall asleep so I had to deal with those thoughts in my head right as I go unconscious. Sighing I walked down my stairs...I needed coffee pronto before my brain exploded. If coffee was anything to me it was my crack and my pot all in the same drug. If I felt stressed what I did…I drank coffee…if I needed a fix...I brewed a cup. That’s how I live my life now, so totally living on the edge. Taking in the smell of my coffee I smiled, the feeling of calming was already coming over me. I took a quick sip before going back up stairs with my phone and sat in the rocking chair in Carter’s room. I had a feeling that I was going to have him sleep with me tonight; I could care less if you should or not I just knew that I needed him in my arms and my arms alone. Realizing that baby boy wasn’t going to wake up for awhile I finished drinking my coffee and called A.J knowing she’d want to hear about my dream. Pacing back and forth down my hallway I explained the dream to her and waited for her input.