Don't cry for me...I am with you

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You know when a person dies, their face has to be covered - that's what they did to my mom.
They covered her face, it felt as if they were covering my face, because I couldn't breath.
Somehow I had mentally transferred my soul to her.
My whole world was spinning out of control and I didn't know what to do.
I slid down the wall and drew my legs close to my chest.
I stared into the distance... I was staring...but I wasn't seeing.
Everything was happening in slow motion.
My father kneeled in front of me, he was loosing it. He had just lost his child's mother.
The woman who he,once upon a time, loved.

"I'm sorry, I am so so sorry. I don't know what else to say,"he began, his voice shaky,"Your mom loved you so much, she always spoke about you whenever she called me. Your mom was a - "

"Stop it! Just stop it,"I cried anger building up in me."Stop talking about her as if she's gone - because she's not!"

I got up from the floor and re-moved the sheet from my mother's face.
Couldn't they see that she wasn't breathing with that thing on?
What was wrong with them!
They were wrong...she wasn't dead, she was just sleeping.
I took her hands in my own and started rubbing them so that she wouldn't be cold.

"It's okay mom. It's okay I'm here, I won't let them take you away from me okay?" I said.

The doctor shook his head, aunt Sophia carried on crying, my father put his hand on my shoulder.

"Courtney stop it," he quietly said,"Just let her go."

"No,no! You want to take her away from me," I exclaimed facing them all. Tanya came in looking so broken, her face showed her sympathy,what was wrong with them!"Stop it! All of you, she's not dead okay? She's fine she's fine, she's going to wake up,okay?"

You know that time when you say something and everyone is like what the hell, is she crazy?
I didn't care what they thought of me, my mom wasn't dead.

"Sweetheart please stop," my father said tears running down his face.
Seeing your father cry is the worst thing ever.

"I know it's still a shock that she's dead...but you need to let her go," he continued, "Please Courtney, I am begging you."

"I can't...I can't...I can't give up on her," I cried tears blurring my vision,"She needs me, I can't let her go. Please understand. She's my world, she's my rock. She's always there when I need her, I can't let her go...please don't make me let her go.

I fell to my knees and cried until I couldn't, I cried until my voice was hoarse.
I cried for my mother, I cried for the pain she had to go through.
I cried for all the nights she stayed awake crying, I cried for all the time Bob bruised her body with his hands.
I didn't care what people in the hospital were saying.
I didn't care if they felt sorry for me, I didn't care.
I didn't give a damn!

"Mom, mom," I cried,"Mom please....I'm begging you, please please don't die, please don't leave me. You are strong, you can't give up. Oh my goodness please don't go, please mom."

The only sound you could hear was crying and sniffing.
No matter how many times I cried, I begged - she was not going to come back.
She was gone.
She had breathed her last breath, she...she...she was free from the pain she felt.
In life we can avoid so many things - but we can't avoid death.

I think I kind of lost sense of reality, I was a walking zombie.
My father sorted out what needed to be sorted at the hospital.
Afterward we drove home and Tanya came with.
I entered the house and headed straight for my mom's bedroom - the room where her life ended.
I closed the door behind me and looked around the room.
I spotted a picture of my mom on the bedside table.
I walked up to the table and picked the picture up.
She looked so happy, so pain free...so alive.
The image of her in my arms on the night of the attack flashed through my mind.
The image was so painful that I dropped the picture I was holding.
It fell to the floor and the sound of the glass shattering did something to me.
It was as if someone put a spell on me.
I walked up to her dressing table and pushed everything that was on it onto the floor.
I looked into the mirror and a girl who looked a lot like my mom starred back at me.
She looked so sad, so...so pathetic, so lost.
In anger I punched the mirror and the pain felt so good.
So damn good.
I looked at my bloody hand and cocked my head to the side and smiled as I saw how the blood flowed down my arm like a waterfall.
A waterfall filled with sorrow and hatred.
I slowly bent down and picked up one of the mirror piece.
I locked the door and slid down the door.
I looked at my bloody hand, then I looked at the broken mirror.
I closed my eyes and my breath quickened as I felt the broken piece make contact with my wrist.
I opened my eyes and smiled at the damage I had done.
I turned to my other wrist and closed my eyes, when I felt the pain my breath quickened.
No matter how much pain I caused myself - it wasn't compared to the pain I felt in my heart.
I tossed the broken piece away and buried my head in my hands.
It was all Bob's fault.
He was to blame for this.
He was going to pay!
He was going to feel the pain he caused my mom and more.

Hey guys, I kind of cried when I wrote this chapter because it reminded me of my uncle who died last week.
So this chapter was dedicated to him.
I will always love you
Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter and if you cried, it's okay.
Dinela
Xoxo♥‼♥

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