The Real Me [H.S]

38.

HARRY

We finished at the studio early, so I thought I would surprise Lucy by going to her dressing room with a bunch of flowers. I know that her show had just finished and I knew she would be chilling in her dressing room by the time I got to the arena.

The drive to the arena was slow and relaxing, as I looked at the flowers on the passenger, wondering if Lucy would like them or not. Knowing straight away I shouldn't care because she'll be happy with whatever I give her.

*************

I knocked on the back door of the arena and one of Lucy's many bodyguards opened it. I smiled at him, asking if I could go see Lucy. He knew who I was so he nodded and showed me the way to her dressing room.

I thanked him as I stood a metre away from her room. I saw the door was a-jar and I could see Lucy standing by her mirror. I couldn't help but think how beautiful she looked even after a show, being all sweaty. It took me a while to notice that Andy and Kim were with her. I didn't know they were that good of friends with Lucy, to hang out with her in her dressing room, especially without Mia. I felt my eyebrows crease together as I started to listen to them talking.

"...I hate the lying and the secrets..." I heard Lucy say and I started to get even more confused. What could she mean? I thought we told each other everything. Unless it was to do with someone else. Getting lost in my thoughts made me miss some of what she said after but I manage to listen back in a couple of seconds later, catching on to the end of what she was talking about. "...I've grown out of Lucy and she's grown out of me. We're not the same person. Lucy is just someone I pretend to be. Kim, you made me realise that. But I just don't know how you explain that to someone and not lose them. I don't get how you get them to understand." She seemed to trail off and as I looked back up at her image being reflected in the mirror I saw her reach for her hair. Suddenly the brown hair was pulled off of her head, showing that it was a wig and not her real hair. As her real dirty blonde hair fell on her shoulders making me confused but most of all angry. She lied to me. She pretended to be someone else. Didn't I deserve to know?

"How do you tell someone that?" I heard her whisper, now only realising I had stepped into the room.

"I think you just did." I announced, making my presence noticed.

Lucy, or Mia should I say, spun around and her eyes widened as they landed on me. I threw the flowers to the floor as I shook my head, starting to walk back down the hall from where I came from.

"HARRY WAIT!" I heard Mia's voice and thinking about it now, I don't know how I didn't notice how similar her and Lucy talked. Now that I know. I don't get how I didn't notice any little thing that shows me that she could've been both. "HARRY!" Her voice snapped me out of my thoughts, making me turn around to face her, seeing she had stopped a metre away from me, still holding the wig in her hand.

"What do you want Mia? To tell me some more lies?" I said with gritted teeth.

"No. Please let me explain-"

"Explain what? How you lied to me this whole time? I knew you and Lucy! Did you think this was funny? Was this like some sick joke? I fell in love with you, or Lucy I don't know but I fell in love with you and you weren't even telling the truth to me! Do you even love me back or did you just say that to make me stay with you? Seriously how long did you think you could get away with this?"

"I didn't- I don't-" She couldn't get her words out and I chuckled a little to myself and started to walk again. "Harry don't walk away please?"

"Why shouldn't I?" I challenged her.

"Because I love you" She choked out as tears started to fall down her face.

I tried not to care, I'm hurting and I cant suddenly go back to her because I hate seeing her cry. I have to stay strong for me.

"Do you though?" I asked and she looked down at her feet before looking back at me. "God, I don't even know who you are anymore? Like is Lucy the real you or is Mia? I don't even know the person I've hopelessly fallen for." I said throwing my hands in the air.

"This is me. Mia is me. Mia has always been me. She's the real me. Lucy was just something I made up when I was fifteen, she's the act." Mia rushed her words but I managed to understand her through the tears.

"I don't know anymore, so much as changed..." I trailed off.

"No. Nothing has changed. I'm still me, you are still you."

"But you're not! Mia and Lucy were two different people to me and you know that! This has changed everything, knowing that instead of them being two different people to me, they are the same! This changes everything Mia!" I announced making her cry more, though tears started to fill in my eyes but didn't fall. "I love you so much that this hurts." I whispered as I felt her coming closer to me, that we were now standing a couple inches away from each other. "I feel betrayed." I said looking her right in the eyes.

"I know you do and I understand that but we can work through this" She said trying to grab my hand but I pulled away.

"No we cant. I don't think I can do this anymore. This is big and too much for me."

"You don't think this is too much for me? I'm about to tell the world about who I really am and I know I'm going to lose everyone and you don't think this is too much for me?!" She exclaimed and I shook my head.

"You've lived with this for four years, you must've known it would have to come out soon enough. You've basically been waiting your whole life for the moment and now its time for you to be truthful for once." I said and I heard her sigh.

"I've always been truthful to you, Harry. I've never lied about how I feel about you. The only thing I lied about was being both Lucy and Mia. You have to understand that"

"I cant. I just don't know if these feelings are real, with everything else right now" I said just turning around and starting to walk off again.

"Harry..." She called and I stopped for one last time.

"What else do you want me to say, Mia?!" I called back turning to face her one last time. "Do you want me to lie and say how everything is going to be fine for you, for us? Because I don't lie to the people I care about, sorry" I continued.

"Please..." She called again.

I could tell by the way she stood and held her head not as high as before that she was giving up. She knew I woudnt stay no matter what she said, so she was giving up. She didn't have enough left in her to fight for me, for us as well as fight the world. She couldn't do it and I couldn't ether. She wasn't going to stop me anymore and I was somehow greatful for it. I didn't want to see her cry anymore. The tears falling down her face makes me hurt even more and I just wanted to leave already.

"All you had to do was trust me"

"You're the one that's leaving..."

"You're the one that isn't stopping me."

We stared at each other for a couple of seconds. No one spoke, we just stared at each other in the eyes. She carried on crying and the tears reformed in my eyes but I didn't let them fall. I couldn't. After a couple of seconds I turned and without another look at the girl I love, I walked out of the arena and drove away.

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IM CRYING WHILE WRITING THIS:'''((((((

WWHAT DOES EVERYONE THINK???

THE STORY ISNT OVER YET SO DONT WORRY, THIS IS NOT THE END BUT HOW DOES EVERYONE FEEL ABOUT THIS BECAUSE THIS HURT ME TO WRITE:(

Do you want me to write a couple more chapters tonight or it will be tomorrow for the next update????

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