one last time (Monsta x - Jookyun)

0004

Everything that could have gone wrong, had gone wrong for Changkyun the next couple of months. He had ignored all of Jooheon's worried texts and calls and had told his parents to never ever speak about the panic attack he had had again.

He had tried, really hard, to pretend that nothing had happened, but he had been a fool if he had thought that Jooheon would stop trying.

He had called, at least ten times a day, for two weeks straight and Changkyun hadn't been able to take it any longer, so, he had answered. The call had gone as expected. Jooheon had been out of his mind worried and he had kept asking way too many questions which the younger had all avoided.

„Enough of me", Changkyun had said. The next question was a big mistake, but he couldn't help but be curious „Have you been talking to the one you fell head over heels for?"

„Mhm..." had come the answer „Just now, actually."

Changkyun had heard him chuckle but he himself hadn't felt like laughing. He had felt pain in his chest, so strong he had to lie down „I see" had been all he had said before he had hung up.

All of their conversations from that day on had been the same. Changkyun asking about the girl Jooheon fell for because he had been a stupid idiot and Jooheon going on and on about how beautiful and how kind and how perfect that person was. They had talked about their future plans, but it had seemed like that hadn't been as important to Jooheon anymore. He had been hurt and he still was.

It hadn't been until weeks later that Changkyun drew the line. He had had enough. He couldn't take it any longer. He doesn't like to think about the conversation even now, but he couldn't help it. He had known it, and he still knows that he fucked up.

„(...) but honestly, Kyunnie, it would mean the world to me if I could actually go out with that person. I'm telling you, I'm fucked. I'm so in love and it hurts that I'm even able to see them" again, like always, Changkyun had heard him chuckle. He had always chuckled and giggled like a stupid fucking teen girl when talking about her.

The younger had taken a deep breath before he had spoken „I don't care"

„Excuse me?" Changkyun had heard disbelief in the olders voice.

„I don't care, Jooheon" he had forgotten about formalities, he had forgotten about everything. He had had enough and he had known, he needed to stop „I do not fucking care about her. I do not fucking care if you end up with her or not and I do not fucking care what happens to you either." Lie.

A gasp, „Yah, Lim Changkyun be careful what you-"

A scoff, „Careful what I say, yes? All you talk about is that fucking girl. Have you completely lost your mind? You do know that you still have a life, no?"

A breathless laugh, „You're the one who always asks. Also, who the fuck do you think you-"

Changkyun had closed this eyes. One hand had held the phone pressed against his ear, the other had taken a tight grip on his own hair. By then he had been a trembling mess. He had wanted to laugh, to say it was a joke and apologise but he couldn't. His breath had started quickening and he had known what had been coming. He had to make it quick.

„Shut up" he had whispered, and to his surprise Jooheon had done just that. It had been painful to speak and to breath. He had felt as if he had been buried alive. There had been no escape from that hell. He had bitten his lips bloody and he could almost hear the hair he had been ripping off his scalp. Breathlessly and with a shaking voice he had said, I don't ever want to see you again, Lee Jooheon.

That had been the last time they had spoken to each other.

××××

A/N: Unbeta'd chapter because I had to get it out there.
It seems rushed I know but (I don't know if I mentioned this or not but) the first few chapters are Changkyun remembering everything that happened so I thought it wouldn't make much sense to put too many details in them.

There is one more chapter in the past before I move onto the actual story.
The next chapter will be up in a couple of days since it's almost done.

Also please, if you are reading this I would appreciate it if you would write a comment or press that little star so I know that you all think. It would mean the world to me and it would help me improve.

Ok thanks bye.