Sidemen Preferences 2.0

Simon - 26 and 27

Before reading the imagine I want you guys to know if you go through depression/self harm or anything else I am here to talk to if you ever need anyone. I go through this also so you are not alone. I have people I can go to talk to so if you need some one, message me <3

This was requested by Taylah2112 enjoy!

26: He/you deal(s) with self harm 27: He/you deal(s) with depression

Warnings: Self harm, depression, swearing

(Y/N) POV

I sighed as I sat on my boyfriends bed. Simon was currently out with the guys filming football videos. I told him I was busy but will go and see him and the others around 1. I got up off the bed and sat at his desk. I turned it on and it loaded up. "Why have that picture Simon you dick" I mumbled looking at the wallpaper. It was of me and him cuddling but you could see my scared arms. I went looking at all of our pictures and only looked at the flaws of them. I sobbed and got out of the chair. I went into the bathroom and went into the cabinet. I couldn't find my blade, "Simon" I grumbled. I got a disposable razor and broke it getting the blade. I fell down onto my bum  looking at my arms. "Fuck it" I whimpered and made a fresh cut on my for arm. I did this again and again all over until it fell out of my hand. I sobbed looking down at the blood. "Fucking depression" I sobbed. Suddenly a image of Simon with another girl got into my head. I screamed and scratched the cuts; making them bleed more. I sighed getting up and washing away all the blood. Once I did that I got a bandage roll from the cabinet and covered the cuts up. I put everything away then went into Simon's room. I put a long sleeve top on, grabbed my phone then left the room. As I was going down the stairs I grabbed a hoodie off the railing and put it on. I got my shoes on, grabbed my keys and left the house. I locked the house then began to walk to the pitch. 

Once I got to the pitch I saw all the guys. I went down to the gate and Ethan came over to let me in. "Hey (Y/N), you okay?" he asked while shutting the gate. I nodded, "Yeah, you?" I asked. "I'm good thanks" he said and we headed over to the guys. "Hey (Y/N), is that my hoodie?" Josh asked. "Oh, I just grabbed it coming down the stairs. I-I was in a rush" I stuttered. "No it's fine. You okay anyway?" he asked giving me a hug. I shrugged, "When am I ever?" I said then Simon came over. "Hey babe" Simon said and held me close. I held onto him tightly as I felt my depression kicking in and my arm began to sting. I snuggled closer to Simon, "You okay baby?" Simon whispered and I instantly shook my head. "Why? What's up? You can talk to me" Simon said looking down at me. I felt the tears forming, "N-no, I-I-I can't... it hurts... fuck" I stuttered as the tears fell. "Babe, listen to me. Just take deep breaths, you need to calm yourself down" Simon spoke; he always did this with me when I felt a panic attack coming on because of y depression. I managed to calm down, "Did you... do what I think you did?" Simon asked whispering. I had to tell him... even if it broke him. I nodded, "Yeah... o-on y arm" I mumbled soon sobbing again. "Oh baby" Simon sighed pulling me in for a tight hug. "I'm sorry... I couldn't stop myself" I cried into his chest. "No, there is no need to apologize. I-Its your stupid depression that should say sorry" Simon mumbled. "I'm such a idiot... I don't know why you love me, I mean look at me" I sobbed looking up at him. "I love you for who you are, every little thing (Y/N). Sure you have flaws, I have flaws but they are what make us who we are today. You tell me nearly everyday that you don't think you's be here today if it weren't for me and the guys. I am so proud of you and that you are here. I love you with all my heart and would not change a single thing about you. We are going to beat your depression - I will be with you every step of the fucking way and wont allow anything to stop us. The guys are also here for you too; we are all a big family who support and love one another. So (Y/N), will you promise to be strong not only for me but for yourself?" Simon spoke. I nodded, "With you by my side, of course I will. I want to be happy like you" I sobbed. Simon smiled and pressed his lips to mine with passion. I kissed him back, "I love you" I said against his lips. "I love you baby, now let's go and have some fun" Simon said looking down at me. I smiled, "Okay" I said. "I like that smile" Simon said before lifting me up bridal style and running around. I laughed; I was actually having fun. "Hey I want someone to do that with me" JJ whined but laughed afterwards. "I would if I could but you are too heavy" Vikk said. JJ smiled then grabbed Vikk bridal style and ran around with him. We all laughed and Tobi got it all on film.