Breathe

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A/N: If you're triggered by anxiety or panic attacks don't read

The tears felt like they were freezing on Josh's cheeks. He and everything around him was so cold.

His body was shaking uncontrollably, but it didn't make him feel any warmer. It only seemed to make him colder.

His teeth were chattering violently, especially as he tried to call for help in a strangled, squeaky voice.

Tyler... Help me... His heart pleaded as it raced, the words unable to travel any further.

His chest felt like a boulder was resting on it, not making it any easier to breathe. His throat was sticky and lumpy with tar.

I'm gonna die... Oh, I'm gonna die... Somebody, please help me!

He doesn't even remember what sent him into this state, what brought the tears to his eyes and the thoughts to his brain. School? Probably. That old brick building was his worst nightmare.

Tyler... I need to call Tyler...

But he couldn't. His vision was blurred with tears and he was shaking too much.

It doesn't mean I can't try.

Josh fished through his pocket, his convulsing fingers wrapping around the device, pins and needles stabbing his already tingling fingertips.

"C-call Tyler," He spoke into the phone as clearly as he could manage. He tried to keep a good enough grip on his phone as he brought it to his ear.

"Josh?" Tyler's concerned voice crackled over the phone. "What's wrong? It's 3 in the morning."

He couldn't talk to Tyler and answer him; his sobs and desperate gasps for breath was answer enough for his best friend.

"Are you having a panic attack?" Tyler asked even though he already knew the answer.

Josh's voice managed to seep through the tar in his throat, creating a croaking, "yeah."

"I'll be over there as soon as I can. Breathe, Josh. Breathe."

Josh nodded, even though Tyler wouldn't be able to hear it.

He tried to calm down, focus on his breathing, but everything was darting around in his brain. It all rattled and pounded against his skull.

Tyler kept repeating the same phrase. "Breathe, Josh. Josh, breathe. Breathe. Keep breathing. Remember to breathe, Josh. Breathe."

I'm trying! Josh wanted to yell, but he couldn't manage it.

Everything was going so fast, but also going so slow. The particles in his brain were going berserk, throwing caution and order to the wind. They ran around wherever they wanted to, creating utter chaos and anarchy. But his brain was stronger than his body. His brain told his body what to do; what to think, how to feel. He can't control it.

But, inside, he felt like he was dying. He felt like he was slowly bleeding out as he was going through a slow, agonizing death. It felt like something was tugging on his soul, slowly and carefully unwinding all the threads until it could yank them away, making him a puppet with no strings.

"Josh, breathe, please," Tyler's panicked voice begged once again. "I'm almost there. Keep breathing."

"I-I-I'm g-gonna die," Josh choked out in gasps.

"No, you're not, you're gonna be fine. Just keep breathing. I'm at your house now."

"Pl-please hurry."

"I'm coming, Spooky."

Josh jumped a bit when he heard his window sliding open with a creak, his phone falling out of his hand.

"Josh? Josh where are you?"

"Here," Josh croaked as loudly as he could manage.

Light filtered in as Tyler opened the closet door, making Josh squint. His friend turned into a blur, and was suddenly kneeling in front of him.

"I'm here now, Josh," Tyler told Josh in a calm voice that surprised even himself. "You're gonna be okay."

Tyler put his hands to Josh's face, wiping his friend's tears with his thumbs.

"Josh, I need you to look at me," Tyler commanded softly, still wiping away Josh's tears.

Josh complied, lifting his eyes to look into Tyler's.

"You. Are. Okay." Tyler stated, looking at Josh in the eye.

The younger boy's heart nearly broke when he saw all the pain, the pleading, the fear in those hazel eyes, but it reminded him that that was why he was here. He was here to fix this, and bring back the light that danced in Josh's eyes whenever he smiled.

"Whatever's bothering you won't last forever," Tyler continued. "If it's school, we only have a few more months until we can graduate and leave high school forever." Tyler paused, chuckling in disbelief as he shook his head. "No more high school."

Josh smiled back just a little bit, his breathing starting to return to normal.

"And you are strong, Josh," Tyler added, grinning now. "You've made it this far, and I'm so proud of you. Yes, you've stumbled a couple of times, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that you're still here. What matters is that you're alive right now. So this panic attack and all the others you've had don't matter. You're alive, Josh, despite all that. That takes strength."

Josh nodded as he let out a shaky breath. His heart still felt like it was racing, and so did his brain, but the weight felt like a little pebble, and there wasn't any tar coating his throat. No tears were running down his cheeks anymore.

"Feeling better, Spooky?" Tyler asked with a hopeful smile.

Josh nodded, smiling a tired smile back.

Tyler's heart soared at Josh's response. He sighed in relief, chucking. He was so grateful he could help his friend through this.

"You need to get some rest, Josh," Tyler spoke, running his left thumb over Josh's right cheek. "You must be exhausted."

Josh nodded, then opened his mouth a bit. He bit his lip before asking, "Can you stay with me?"

Josh knew in the back of his mind that Tyler would agree to it. And honestly, he wanted Tyler to say yes. He immediately started calming down when he looked into his best friend's dark chocolate eyes. He didn't want to risk going back into the panic tonight and not having Tyler with him.

Tyler smiled. "Of course I will, Spook."

Josh smiled wider, his eyelids drooping. He was so tired...

Tyler put his arm around his best friend, helping him stand up and get on his bed.

Tyler lied down next to Josh, letting him wrap his arms around him and holding him close.

Tyler cracked a smile. "No homo." He joked.

Josh laughed, burying his head in Tyler's shirt.

"I'm kidding," Tyler smiled. "Goodnight, Josh."

"Goodnight, Tyler," Josh breathed, his eyes fluttering shut. "Thank you."

Tyler kissed the top of Josh's head. "You're welcome, Spooky."

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idk this is just some thing I started writing last night lol

Vote and comment pls I'll love you more than I already do now~

Stay alive |-/
-Bailey

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