twenty one pilots one shots

I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful, yet so unaware of it.

A/N: I'm not trash for the 1975 what idk what you're talking about lolol (hopefully this doesn't come off as too creepy but it's kind of hard with this haha) ((by fall out boy))

As Jenna fell asleep next to me, I grew envious of her.

I knew something would keep me up tonight, whether it be my mind bothering me about how I don't deserve to sleep since I've barely done anything today, or whatever else. It was a different thing almost every night.

I asked her one day how she could fall asleep so quickly, but she just shrugged.

"Are you having trouble sleeping again?" She asked then, putting down an egg she was about to crack into a bowl.

"Just wondering," I mumbled, trying and almost noticeably failing at smiling at her.

While I envied her, I don't want her to feel my pain. I could never do that. I could never lubricate the cogs in her mind and make her lose sleep worrying about me. If that ever happened, I could never forgive myself.

I sighed, looking up at the big light that was still burning bright. Jenna practically fell asleep as soon as she lied down, not bothering to flip the switch.

I was grateful that I didn't have to worry about my thoughts getting as dark as our bedroom, but I felt guilty for Jenna being so tired.

Life at home with her was much different than life on the road. I don't have nearly as much to do. I don't have to perform every night. I don't have to sit through interviews or do photoshoots. I just sit around all day, trips to the studio scarce. I may write a song or two, but I haunt this home while Jenna works her butt off.

I've lost count of how many times I've apologized to her about that; how I don't do anything but still end up being exhausted. I've lost count of how many times she said it was okay.

I just wish I could believe her.

I sighed again, turning to my side to look at her.

There was still smears of makeup on her face; ghosts of neutral colors on her eyelids, a lazy curl and growing darkness to her eyelashes, specks of light pink dust on her cheeks, a spot or two of red lipstick staining her parted lips.

I smiled as I admired it all, finding another reason why I was grateful Jenna left the light on (not that she wouldn't be any less beautiful in the darkness).

This was a woman who was working hours on end instead of spending what little time she has with me, throwing on makeup every morning and smiling at everyone she was working with. This was a woman who would come home and go through the rest of her day in a fatigued haze, (hopefully) grateful for the kisses her husband would give her. This was a woman who deserved the whole world, who deserved a good night's rest, who deserved more love than I can give.

My stomach turned with guilt just then, my mind beginning to twist as well.

She won't think the same thing when she sees you asleep.

The voice is right. I'll be exhausted, but just by existing. There'll be no sign of hard work anywhere. All she would see is a sad, resigned face giving in to the weakness my body gave me.

And I'm certainly not as beautiful as she is.

Then, Jenna sighed in her sleep, her eyelids fluttering as a smile crept on her face.

"What are you dreaming of?" I just barely spoke, letting myself smile a bit.

Not you.

I kept myself from flinching, shutting my eyes and exhaling slowly through my nose.

"Mmm," Jenna hummed, still asleep, shifting a bit. Her smile left her face.

"Shh," I soothed, still barely audible. "Rest soundly, my love."

Your voice, your presence is tainting her dreams.

"Shh," I repeated, more to the voice in my head than Jenna.

I tried to focus on Jenna's beautiful again, try and notice little things like the way her brow creased or how she scrunched her nose. I tried to trace pictures in the freckles sprinkled across her cheeks and nose.

She's all you'll ever need, I told myself. Let her smooth everything out.

Jenna shifted again, biting her lip ever so slightly. She just barely touched one of the lipstick stains.

Smile. She's beautiful. She loves you.

No, she doesn't.

"Please," I strangled out, my voice louder than before.

Jenna inhaled sharply as she woke up, opening her eyes clouded with sleep.

"Are you okay, Tyler?" Jenna asked softly, blinking the sleep out of her beautiful eyes.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I might go out and write, though."

"About?" Jenna closed her eyes.

"How beautiful you are," I smiled, kissing her forehead. "Now, get some sleep. You need the rest for tomorrow."

Jenna nodded, sighing. "Before you go, turn the big light off."

I nodded. "Of course, my love."

I rolled out of bed, making the mattress creak a bit. I winced, but it seemed Jenna was already about to fall back asleep.

I stood, dragging myself across the room and to the door.

I reached for the light switch, but my hand lingered.

I looked back at Jenna, and wondered if she would sleep this soundly if she never lied next to me again.

I shook my head, and turned the big light off.

I left the darkness of our bedroom, and entered the darkness of our hallway.

I shuffled slowly again as I let my eyes adjust, creating light for me to see.

I lugged over to my makeshift office, turning on the light in there.

The light only shone for a second before going out in a burst of orange sparks.

The only light that drifted in was the moonlight through the window, giving the room an eerie, bluish glow.

I sighed for the third time that night, almost stumbling over to my desk where I could find a lamp.

I turned the little knob, allowing the lamp to turn on and illuminate my desk space.

I always kept a few stacks of loose-leaf paper in the drawers in case I had a night like this.

I stuck my hand in a small pail full of pencils and pens, grabbing one randomly. I had picked out an old one from a pack Jenna got an elementary school book fair. It was pink and had purple hearts engraved in the colored wood.

I let the pencil hover over the paper as I thought of how I could fill all these blank lines.

Though you've fallen under the spell of the night
Though the sky in your eyes has turned to black and lost its light
I still love you as much as I do when you're awake
And though I'm immune to the spell you're under
Though these hours seem torn asunder
Deep down I know you still love me too
Though you've retreated to your dreams
And though your body is repairing your fraying seams

My eyelids were growing heavy, my handwriting more illegible and escaping the boundaries of the margins.

As I finally began to fall asleep, I wrote one last, unorthodox line:

I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful, yet so unaware of it.

______________

(Let's pretend Tyler wrote the last line okay okay)

Sorry if this sucks it's almost 2 am but I'm pretty sure this is better than the one-shot I wrote earlier lol

Vote and comment my frens and sleep don't make the same mistakes (by one direction) that I do

Stay alive |-/
-Bailey