Hello my name is: a PruCan fanfic

Chapter 27

Humming happily as I looked at the envelope, I felt almost a warmness fill me. My address was stamped onto it, which I didn't mind. It still had the homemade and made with love feeling to it. I didn't get letters often, and wasn't sure why this was going to be so special to me.

Maybe I was just eager to have a distraction from the nightmares I've been having. Not only could it take my mind off of something negative and make it new, it could be from an old friend I haven't talked to in a long time.

When we were younger, in grade school, we had pen pals. I'm sure all schools do this, but this year my school decided to do something different.

Pen pals from different countries!

Mine happened to be from Brazil, and after the confusion of mine being sent to me in a different language when everyone else had theirs sent in English, we became best friends. We wrote to each other a lot, and for a longer period time than all the others.

As always though, life came in they way and we only sent each other a letter once a year with a brief summary of how our lives changed. Last time I checked my pen pal was getting pretty serious with his girlfriend, and was considering proposing.

A jolt of excitement ran through me as I looked down at the envelop again. He did make a stamp of my address for his envelop so he could make sure it was always perfect. A smile broke out, and the nightmare was pushed to the back of my mind.

Flipping the envelop over, I quickly and sloppily opened it, making sure not to damage the inside contents. The first thing I noticed were that there were pictures in the envelop.

Did he actually get married?!

Giddy, I quickly pulled the pictures out and looked at them with eager eyes. My jaw quickly dropped and my heart stopped as I looked at the photos. Then I panicked.

Where, when, how, who?

The pictures were clear, even a tad bit artsy as they laid in my lap. In any other circumstances, they would've been cute. I probably would've framed them and put them by my bedside.

But I was going to have a heart attack. I was going to vomit everywhere as I stared down at pictures of me and Gilbert kissing.

flip

Holding hands.

flip

Hugging.

I couldn't breathe. How could the first time we let our guard down, this happens. Tears of frustration welled up in my eyes.

Why couldn't I just live a normal life? Why couldn't I be.... straight. I could happily date anyone, any girl. I could be praised instead of having to hide this shameful thing. WE could kiss in public under fireworks, we could go on romantic dates. I would be able to show her to my family, get praised, get teased.... but I had to be me. A freak by societies standards. Hated by most, loved only by people like me. I couldn't show affection to my own boyfriend in public in risk of someone seeing. In risk of getting beaten to a pulp. Shunned, maybe even killed if I don't watch it. Which, with one careless kiss, it didn't seem so far off.

People don't understand what it's like to deal with homophobia, unless you are gay. If I had my choice, I wouldn't love Gilbert, I wouldn't find men more appealing. My entire life was dedicated to trying to normal. Yet I sit, every day thinking about him. How much I love him. How much I hate the restraints my town has forced upon me. The people have shackled me to a sidewalk, stepped all over me, and with these pictures they are daring me to protest against this abuse. Things could so quickly end. If people at school saw them, death would be better than the abuse I would receive. The discrimination, the professional attitude teachers are supposed maintain would drop as soon as I walked into a room. All because I am gay.

Then, I cried. I whipped the pictures across the room, along with the envelop. There was clearly a nicely typed letter inside ensuing the threats, and the persons terms. My thoughts grew dark.

If my mother found out, she would yell. Disown me even more than before, divorce me as her son. I couldn't possibly be HERS. After all this work of taking the walls down, they would be built. Reinforced. Alfred would struggle through school as the class clown. Isn't his brother... gay?

He should know better than to have a gay brother. It flashed before my eyes as I imagined my father looking down at the pictures. Disappointment flooding his face at the ridicule he got from having a gay son. He would consider throwing me out, but he wouldn't have the heart. His girlfriend would leave him as he started drinking again to deal with the hate. The abuse would start.

I shakily grabbed the envelop and took out the letter.

It said what I thought.

'Gay' 'Faggot' 'Die' 'Break up or I will show these to everyone.'

Then... it changed.

'Gilbert doesn't actually love you. Can't you see the joke. The wool he's pulling over your eyes? He's a great actor, isn't he? He likes to hide secrets. How can someone go from hating to loving Matthew. Gilbert could never be gay. In fact, wait until you see who is behind this letter. Wait until you meet his girlfriend. The person he actually loves. Nobody wants a faggot plaguing this town Matthew. Everyone's in on this joke. I thought I would warn you about the bomb that's going to be dropped. I personally hate seeing people lose it in public. I know what you think. 'This is a joke, a lie.' I wouldn't waste my time typing a joke, or a lie. Not on scum like you.'

I couldn't breathe. Quickly it was all in the garbage, and I jumped a foot high as my phone rang. Shaking hands rejected it as I went and showered. I couldn't deal with this. This was never meant to be part of my life. Like that, the nightmare flashed in front of my eyes. The choking, the struggle. I lathered soap in my hair quickly, feeling light headed as I heard the phone ring again.

Everything was a rush, I couldn't concentrate as my whole body began to shake. I shouldn't believe it, take it to heart. Was it getting hard to breathe?

This wasn't how the story was meant to go. This was supposed to be a fairy tale, gosh my legs were shaking.

Ring
_______________________________

I woke on the floor on my shower, feeling bile leap into my throat.

When emotions get the best of me I do not react well. Throwing up barely relieved any anxiety as I stood and turned off my shower. I needed to think which seemed purely impossible with how loud the clock was ticking, and the way my heartbeat didn't seem normal.

As soon as the water was off I simply laid on the ground. I didn't want to move. I also couldn't for a second, until the phone gave a shrill ring, and I wrapped the towel around my waist. Walking to the telephone, I answered.

"Hello?" my tone sounded dull, numb as I sat down in a chair.

"Guten Morgen, why weren't you answering?" he seemed worried.

click

I wasn't up for worry. In fact after suffering the anxiety attack, and having my emotions skewed over the map, I was up for anything that would get me to stop thinking. Although right now I needed to think.

Physically and mentally exhausted, despite just waking up I racked my brain on where to start. All the arrows pointed to Gilbert.

Gilbert, the man who kept making my chest squeeze, and cheeks hurt from smiling.

Gilbert, the man I was absolutely in love with.

RING

sigh

click

"Hello?"

.........................

click

Gilbert, the man behind the letter.

A/N:

Another chapter shall be posted soon.