Hello my name is: a PruCan fanfic

Chapter 29

I step into the hospital, hesitation in the air surrounding me. Glancing at the hand sanitizer the nurse had propped on her desk, I almost snorted. No soap or sanitizing chemical was going to fix my illness. Mental or otherwise. I was two hours early for the apointment, but I couldn't care less. I'd rather walk into this hospital a week early before returning back into the stupid AA group.

I stop in front of the nurses desk and sigh. Nothing was forcing me to come here, I reminded myself, the only person who had control of my life now was me. It was scary to think that I was the only one stopping myself from turning and running to the nearest bar. Oh how I so desperately wanted to binge on the alcohol that seemed to keep me alive for the past how many years.

If I did that though, if I turned and ran to that bar, gulping down the bitter nectar just to feel the fire run down my throat and pulse through my veins, dull my thoughts and movements, make my over stressing suddenly disappear...... my hopes of living at least another month would disappear.

When the nurse finally looked up at me, she seemed uncomfortable. I didn't blame her. I was in the early stages, enough where the hopeful doctor said that I have a large chance of surviving. That didn't mean anything to me. Most looked at me and already saw me as dead. I was malnourished from never having quite enough money to afford more than a loaf of bread a week, the rest was to binge with and pay bills. Lack of sleep, or good sleep for that fact, has made my skin ashy and eyes sunken in. My hair was stringy and oily, because who needs good hygiene when you are going to die on a bar stool.

"Sir? Do you an appointment?"

Of course she'd ask that. Taking a deep breath of the familiar sterilized stence, I nodded.

"Williams."

She hesitated before typing quickly, focused completely on the screen.

I would randomly wake up in the hospital after I would get a little too rowdy. Everyone underestimated how much alcohol I could handle, constantly getting me checked into a hospital because they thought I had put myself in an alcohol induced coma. It was irritating.

It was also how I found out I had cancer.

"Um, I'm sorry sir, but your appointment isn't until 16:30..."

"I know, I have to fill out my information, don't I?"

She stared at me wearily, before nodding. Reaching down, she grabbed a clipboard and the papers you always had to fill out. Slowly handing them to me, I sighed as I took the clipboard.

Two hours flew by, and before I knew it I was clutching onto the edge of my chair, staring at the floor. Today I would be getting my final tests before starting chemo and becoming a bedridden mess.

I was doing this all alone. The whole time I bit and bothered my lip, fingers clenching and unclenching the seat. I had considered calling Alfred, my mother, a bar buddy even. Though I didn't have the heart to break the news to Alfred, my Mother would probably break down and make this harder than it needed to be, and a bar buddy.... they wouldn't care. Matthew is only a name they'd want to hear when drinking was involved. Cancer... don't even think about it.

Then all the tests were through, I was showered, changed into my new gown I would probably spend the last moments of my life in, and clutched the sides of my bed.

"Mr. Williams, would you like to call anyone to be with you."

".........."

"Mr. Williams, I'm sure you don't want to do this alone. Do you have any family you would want to contact. Doing this alone can be quite scary."