Love Is Symphony |✓

| 12 |

I was angry at myself.

I was angry. I was mad. I was frustrated. I was annoyed with myself.

How many times had I avoided liking other people? Especially the ones with great potential to make me fall in love. A few? A couple? A hundred? I couldn't even remember anymore. But inspite my effort and straining self control with regards to feeling anything romantic, I. Still. End. Up. Getting. Hurt.

Because there would always be that guy who would seem to be the one guy who might be different. Yet, he turned out to be the same bastard who would leave my heart in shreds, only a different version of the firsts.

And yet again, I was experiencing the same process I've successfully avoided for about a year now. Yet again, I was hurt.

If only this didn't happen almost all the time, then maybe, I wouldn't be at the mall's food court right now. Devouring pretzel sticks as if my sanity depended on it. And basing on the diameter of my not-so-skinny arms, this wasn't the first time.

In fact, this was the fourth time I experienced this. And since then, a bag full of pretzel sticks (and occasionally, some glazed donuts) had been my saving grace.

It all started when I was thirteen. Old enough to understand the notions of the all-so-thrilling thing called 'crush', yet, too young to know its dynamics and technicalities.

Hugh Collins. The seatmate.

I was in grade eight when he suddenly appeared in my life. He was that hot-new-student-with-an-accent kind of guy. He came in knocking on our Homeroom class' door with the most adorable smile on earth. I could still recall in my head the collective gasps heard from the majority of the class (girls) when his a-mix-between-ginger-and-blonde-hair poked around the area of the open space.

He had striking emerald green eyes that were very visible up until the third row (which where I thankfully sat) and such red lips that gave me the first experience of wanting to kiss a boy.

And then, he spoke. "Um, hi. Is this Mr. Grier's Homeroom? I'm Hugh Collins, the transfer student."

I swear I heard them sigh dreamily.

Something I couldn't condemn, for I, squeaked at the sound of his thick English accent resonating inside our dainty classroom and his braces that danced under the lights. And I couldn't believe my luck when he was asked by Mr. Grier to sit behind me, in that chair nobody chose to sat in because it was imbalanced.

One hi and hello led to another and soon enough we were friends. Friends that look for each other when one skipped class and every lunch time. We started hanging out outside school, went to summer camp together, went to watch movies together, went to each other's house, and then, I developed this gigantic crush on him.

That crush that lead me to doodle his name with hearts on the back of my notebook, that lead me to sigh dreamily at his messages and that lead to believe that maybe we could be more.

Up until now, I believe it was because of the braces. I always had a thing for cute boys with braces.

I started to pay more attention to every little thing he did, tucking it in my imaginary Does Hugh Like Me Back check list inside my head. One hug meant another, one peck on the cheek, one good morning text, one tug of the arm... I thought he liked me, too. That was until he asked me if I could get Jessica Mariano's number for him.

My heart broke.

Does Hugh Like Me Back check list, crumpled.

Friendship? Slowly drifted apart until we were nothing but strangers the next year in high school.