Love Is Symphony |✓

| 47 |

It was exactly at four o'five a.m. when Matt's black Honda pulled up in front of my dad's beat-up, two-story house with its chipping cream paint and overgrown lawn. Matthew was leaning all the way back in the driver seat with both his hands on the wheel. The engine was still on and the steady hum of it wasn't enough to calm my nerves. It was all over the place, my fingertips tingling and my eyes sore. I wasn't ready to face my Dad.

"We're here."

I didn't know what to say. After finally speaking up my mind for the first time in years, I realized it caused more problems than I could handle; it brought out more truth, and maybe I just wasn't ready for that kind of slap from reality.

With sagged shoulders, I tried to push open the passenger door but Matt reached out to hold my arm. I turned to look at him. He opened his mouth, but he only managed to exhale. "What?" I asked, a biting tone to my hoarse voice.

"Listen," he started, sounding determined. I resisted the urge to pull my arm out of his hold. "What I said—it didn't come out right. That wasn't my intention. I could've phrased it better."

I scoffed. Just wow. "We both know that no artistic prose or flowery metaphor could've made that sound better."

His lips pursed and I smirked. At least I won this argument even if I lost another battle.

"Your dad told me about your boyfriend." I stiffened. "I don't know what's going on with you, Serenity but we both know that this isn't you. You don't leave your house for some guy. It's never been in your character to do this. Your dad's been worried sick about you."

"Will you shut up?" I yanked my arm out of his hold. "You don't get to say anything about me, okay? You lost that privilege two fucking years ago when you left. So shut the fuck up and let me open this damn door."

"Serenity."

"What?!"

Matthew's green eyes... dancing in them was the clear sign of pity and the kind of affection a person feels for someone they used to know, used to love, but not anymore and dammit, Sean, it hurt. It hurt to be seen as an old memory in the eyes of someone who used to see the future with me. It felt as if I was an old book that had been long forgotten, left idle in the corner to collect dust. How long would I feel this way, Sean? How long would I feel forgotten and taken for granted by the very same people who promised me that they'd always care?

"I loved you," he whispered it softly, too soft as if he was afraid the words would break me. He thought wrong, Sean, I was far too broken to be ruined by a few more sets of feather-light lies. "I'm sorry that the feeling changed. I'm sorry that I didn't stay. But please, whatever you're going through right now, please come out of it as a champion even though I'm one of the hurdles you needed to get through."

I looked away. The light on the porch steps was on but the house was dark. Matt's fingers pressed more firmly onto my skin as he reached out to me for the second time. I refused to look back at him. I refused to let his see the chip in my armor and tears in my eyes.

He sighed. "About what you said earlier back at the hotel... Serenity, it's not that you aren't amazing. You are. I just wish you stop needing someone else's justification to realize it."

I shook his hand off me and cleared my throat, ignoring the heavy pang that weighed heavy in my heart at his words. The last thing I needed right now was to break down again. I opened the door. "Thanks for the ride."

Matt called out my name one last time, but I already had the door shut. The last syllables of his words muted by the metal door and glass window that separated us far more than distance could ever do. If I'd go back to that time again, I definitely would've done things differently, but it was seldom that we get second chances, and on my last chance with Matt, I chose to run up the porch and inside the house. I chose to let go; let go and accept the truth that there were things that were just meant to hurt me.

-

"Serenity?" Dad walked over to where I was sitting on the floor of my room with piles upon piles of old boxes strewn over and open in front of me. He was barefoot in his plaid pajamas and old white shirt. "What—you're home. I—what happened? What's going on? Where have you been?"

I moved a pair of old mittens aside and opened another box. It must be here. I knew it was just here.

He was just staring at me for a long moment. His eyes were wide and lips slightly parted. He looked as if he wasn't even sure that I was there until he blinked. I opened another box. "Honey, it's almost six in the morning. Are you alright? You haven't been picking up my calls. I was so worried about you."

I found it. Shit. I found it. The black wristwatch that I carelessly threw inside a random box a few months ago—it was finally in my hands. My eyes traced over its every curve and line, taking note of the numbers and faded straps and the arms that have stopped moving. How apt, I laughed to myself. The fucking watch died along with my heart.

"Serenity?" Dad took a step back when I rose from the floor and picked up the hammer from my nightstand that I found in the basement along with the boxes earlier. I placed the watch on the floor and raised my arm, ready to swing the hammer to its shiny glass; ready to see it break into the smallest of pieces until there was nothing but dust.

"Serenity!" Dad pulled me back and we both stumbled to the floor. The hammer landed next to the watch with a thud and pain engulfed my backside. Dad cursed. "What were you thinking?! Are you out of your mind? That's your mom's watch!"

One word. It only took one word for my facade to break down. Mom. My throat tightened, but I resisted the lump that was forming, I tried to fight it but I wasn't strong enough. I was never strong enough. I began sobbing, crying with the force alike to a child's who was left alone in a crowded street. My shaking fingers found the hem of my Dad's shirt as I hold onto him with every cry.

"Honey, shh," he cooed, pulling me closer to him. "It's alright. It's gonna be alright. Daddy's here for you. Daddy loves you."

"W-why?" I sobbed into his shirt, "why does she have to r-ruin me, D-dad? Why did she have to make me feel so inadequate? Why did she leave me? How can she make me still feel so unlovable after all these years? When will I ever be good enough for people to stay? Why?"

"Look at me," my father said, cupping my face. His eyes were glistening and brimming with tears. "Listen to me. I love you and that's all you need to know. Someone loves you. Your father loves you and will continue to love you no matter what happens. I will always see you as beautiful even if you don't feel like one at all. No one should ever make you feel this way because you're worth staying for and if they can't see that, then, it's their loss." His voice cracked. "More than anything, Serenity, you will always be more than enough for me. Please start seeing that, too."

To my Mom, to Ice, to Matthew, to every person who made me feel less than who I was; to Sean, my love. In that second as I cried a little less quieter in my father's warm embrace, I finally made the decision to cry for all the times I've been broken down and battered by the people I loved for the very last time. Because my love, I promise you, the next time I'd cry, it would be because I was finally happy too.

-

Ahhhhhhh!

We're getting closer to the end guys! Just a few more pages to go!

I got all emotional while writing this. You?

Can I just say that Serenity is so strong for making it this far?

I so love this girl even if she annoys me 98% of the time

Guys, guys, we're literally 200 reads away from 90K I feel like crying.

It's only been two months ago when this story was at 10K *sobs*

I love all of you I swear

Anyway, thoughts?

r we ready for the end?

What do we wanna see?

Ahhhh! I'm so not ready for the end

Love, Cass x