Love Is Symphony |✓

| 46 |

He was smiling so wide that even his eyes were smiling, eyes that I thought were familiar to me; eyes that I thought would always be recognizable to me. Yet two years passed, seven hundred and thirty days of distance and silence, and here he was... unrecognizable. I couldn't understand why I couldn't accept it, why I couldn't just swallow down the bitter truth that people change, that people leave, that people become different. Maybe because the reason was lying on the tip of my tongue, fighting to get out, but I was too ashamed to admit it—accepting that fact would mean that I wasn't worth staying for. And for a girl whose belief has always been that she was worth it... breaking that illusion would be too much to bear.

Matt was talking about his trip to Perth when it felt that I heard enough. "Why did you call?" My tone was heavy and dark enough for him to shut up and blink at me.

"I didn't call. You called."

"No," I stressed on the word, frustration tracing the syllables, "you called me the other day, asking if we could talk. You even went as far as saying that you miss me."

The light disappeared in his eyes as soon as my words registered to him and his lips were now set in a flat line. He took a step back. "Serenity, are you sure you want to talk about this right now? Your eyes are puffy as hell because of something that made you cry, and no, I won't ask why or what. It's obviously an idiotic guy. Plus it's way past midnight. We can do this tomorrow."

"How did you get my number?"

He groaned. "It's been two years, are we still gonna fight over the same things? You haven't changed one bit."

"And you changed!" I accused, hands shaking and back straight. "You changed when you promised that you'd come back!"

"So you really want to do this." He sat down on the edge of his stark white bed and sighed. "Fine. Fine. It's not like we're both tired."

I slipped off Imogen's shoes and chucked the right one to the floor, desperate to release the tension inside my body. The gesture was immature, unreasonable even, and he obviously wasn't amused. I could see the tips of his ears turning red. He frowned at me.

"Stop being sarcastic with me! This isn't you."

"Will you stop throwing things? I'm kind enough to let you stay here."

"Answer me."

"What?" He cursed under his breath and I flinched. It was a foreign sound to me. He hated cursing. Who was this man? "How I got your number? I went to your house and talked to your dad who was worried sick about you. He punched me in the face but ended up giving me your number, thinking you might answer my call. Satisfied?"

An image of my father, hunched down on our battered sofa with his face in his hands flashed before my eyes but I shook my head. There was another time for that. "Why did you go to my place? Why were you looking for me?"

Matt stared blankly at me for a good minute. His face was blank and his lips pursed. It reminded me of one of the most common arguments we had back when we were still together: my questions. He hated it, hated it so much that he made sure to leave for Australia before I woke up to ask him some more. He always said that I asked questions not to seek answers but to find mistakes, and though I reasoned that it wasn't my fault that mistakes were the only things I could find in his stupid answers, he believed otherwise. The very same thing was happening all over again.

Dammit. We weren't even together.

"Why are you asking me these questions, Serenity? What is it exactly that you want?" His tone was exasperated and his voice was tired, but so was I. Tired of all this bullshit and games.

"Stop playing mind games with me, Matthew! You come back after two years, looking for me as if nothing has changed when everything has! You know what I mean, why are you here?"

"I just want to apologize for what I did."

"Apologize?" I asked, breathless and appalled. "Apologize?"

"I'm sorry for leaving you hanging like that, you didn't deserve that. What else do you want me to say?"

With another tear sliding down my cheek, I watched him avoid meeting my gaze. "Is that it? You came all the fucking way from Australia to apologize? To do something that you should've done years ago?"

"I was vacationing and I thought it's just right to talk to you too. I mean isn't this long overdue? I just never imagined that it would go this way."

The impulse came in quick, and the world slipped off my tongue quickly. Asshole, I called him, letting the satisfaction sit on my chest when he flinched. "I guess I deserved that."

"Didn't you love me?" My voice was a whisper, a sound too fragile in such a cold and dark night. "Was I never important to you that you think you could just apologize to me when it's convenient for you?"

A cloud of shame crossed his face, but he looked away. Of course, that was what all the men in my life were good at - avoiding me.

"Fucking answer me!"

He flinched. "I'm sorry! I fell in love with someone else and needed closure."

My heart stopped. I wish I could tell you, Sean, how difficult that moment felt. With you, my heart broke, but with him... it stopped beating. It slowed down until it froze into stone. Solid and cold. So that was it. He just needed to get the guilt off his chest so he could live his merry life in Australia. He was in love with someone else. "That's why you never called," I said, realizing it for the first time.

"I loved you, Serenity but Rina, she's... she's amazing."

"And I'm not?" I asked, scoffing. "This Rina is but I wasn't? Is that it?"

"No!" He rose from his seat and he tried to walk over to me but I took a step back. How did the night turn to this? Everything was crashing down all around me and I couldn't breathe. Matt ran a hand over his face and bit on the corner of his thumb before he let out a curse. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, that's not what I meant. Serenity."

"Take me home."

"Can we please just talk this through tomorrow? It's three a.m. and we're both tired—"

"Take. Me. Home."

Matthew sighed, defeated. "Okay."

-

guys i feel as exhausted as ser?

you?

thoughts?

feels?

matt?

serenity?

shoe?

hungry?

questions?

love, cass x