I love you like I hate you

3* Amusement Park

RECAP:

Ricky suddenly saw the dart game and went for it while Adrian started dragging me towards the haunted house. But while we were going there and Adrian was talking on-stop I froze in my tracks as I looked at a pair of deep brown eyes staring back at me and the child who was holding my hand with a shocked and confused expression on his face.

At that moment only two words rang in my mind. 

OH SHIT. 

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I stared at him trying to figure out what to do, how to say, what to explain, whether to tell a lie or not while Adrian was still tugging at my hand trying to get my attention saying “Mommy? Mommy? Listen to me! I wanna go to the haunted house! Let’s Go!”

Hayden’s expression up until now had been simply confused and kinda shocked at seeing me here but when he heard Adrian say ‘Mommy’ his full attention snapped to Adrian who was now scrutinizing Hayden and said “Hey! You look exactly like the guy in my mom’s –“ but thankfully he was cut off by Gary who popped out of nowhere in between me and Hayden and pinched Adrian’s cheeks cooing at how cute he was.

He crouched down and looked at Adrian as if with fascination and said, “You are so adorable! Your parents must be so proud of you………..”

While he said all this, my gaze was fixed steadily on Hayden’s face whose eyes were fixed on our son – sorry, my son. I was pulled out of my trance when Gary shook my hand and asked “Whose is he Rosie?”

I debated as a sweat broke across my back, whether to tell them the truth or not but then Adrian decided to answer that question for me and said with a huge smile on his face, hugging my legs “She is my Mommy but I don’t have a daddy!”

Then in a much smaller voice he said ”Mommy says he left us a long time ago and I hate him for doing that to her! She is so nice! Why did daddy have to be so mean to her? And me?” I was in complete and utter shock that my eight years old Adrian felt so strongly and most of all, he was really upset about it.

Gary also looked shocked and when I turned towards Hayden, I saw his horror-stricken face as he tried to comprehend the fact that I had a son. I bet he was thinking that this son was a product of the many guys that I had apparently slept around with.

Gary hugged me and said “I’m so sorry” I hugged him back and said “It’s ok, it was 8 years ago. At first it was hard …… But I managed.” I gave him a tight smile holding my tears back. I turned to Adrian and took his hand and said “Baby, we need to go home. I’m sorry but I’m not feeling well all of a sudden. We’ll come back tomorrow ok?”

And without waiting for his reply I started walking off from there when I heard someone calling my name. We had reached the parking lot by then and I turned to see Gary coming to a stop n front of me, panting from all the running he had to do to get to me.

“You forgot this in the morning today”, he said as he finally caught his breath.

I saw him holding out a photograph and I gasped in shock when I saw that it was the only photo I had always kept by me, of Hayden and me together in the amusement park. Huh, how ironic, supposing that we were standing at an amusement perk.

Oh no! This meant that Gary must have figured everything out – and as if reading my mind, he said “Rosella, I know that Hayden is your child’s father -”

“No! You can’t tell him Gary! Please! I beg you, please don’t tell him!” I cried out before he even finished his sentence. I could not have Hayden know that Adrian was his son. I couldn’t let the hope build up in me that once he got to know, he would willingly accept me and my son with open arms, only to be rejected all over again. I just couldn’t cope up with such heartbreak after so many years, all over again.