ERIC'S POV
*FLASHBACK*
Today I kept myself busy... I couldn't even look at Jake... I was scare that I would just flat out scream "I LOVE YOU" to him... I want to... But I'm scared. Scared that he'll hate me. Scared that he won't ever talk to me again. Scared that he'll just walk out of my life.
He's my best friend. Amd I don't wan't to lose him! I can't afford to just let him walk righ tout of my life! It would kill me! It broke my heart to know that all day I had to ignore my BEST FRIEND all because of some stupid fear! I really just wish he'd go through this peice of shit journal! Then he'd know how I felt... but NO, he has to be fucking respectful! GAH!! I hate this!!
*END OF FLASHBACK*
I'm letting it get to me again... That he doesn't really love me. That it's all some fucking joke! a LIE! I know he said it isn't but... I feel like it is... I want to cut... Badly... But I won't... No... Not sfter seeing Jake like that again... No... I won't hurt him... i can't hurt him... No... Not again....
*FLASHBACK*
It's raining... the sound of it hitting the pavement is like waves crashing onto a peacful beach... It's beautiful... Here I am standing at my mothers grave... Crying... I feel like she died all over again... I feel alone... Sad... I want to feel the blade against my wrist again... "No.. Don't think of that" I tell mysefl.. "Be strong... For Jake.." Jake... Oh Jake... So clueless... So Oblivious to my feelings.. So... So perfect... I'd do anything to make him love me the way I love him... As more than just a friend.... ANYTHING! Just to make him mine... To be able to call him my baby.... To hold his hand... To kiss him... To spend the rest of my life with him... I would do anything.......
*END OF FLASHBACK*
