Diary of a Broken Heart

As We Are...

Yes.

Why did we even have to be? Why did I even let it happen? Why didn't I even stop myself?

Maybe I was too blind. Maybe I thought my feelings was nothing more than a friend. Maybe I had it all  wrong. Maybe.

But the truth is.

I knew all along. I knew that I feel something different for him. I knew that I was giving him a special treatment. I knew that I might like him. I knew. I've always known it. From the very beginning. Just as he always knew about how I really am. 

The thing is, I knew it but I didn't do anything with it. I should've brushed it off. I should've stopped hanging with him the very first time I sensed that I'm getting attached. I should've just said no.

But I can't. I can't stop myself. I can't even tell myself not to be around him.

I can't even bear not to see him everyday.

Even if it means seeing him is getting hurt.

Yes, getting hurt.

Why?

Well...

I don't know how to say this. But you can say I'm pretty dumb.

Because no matter how much I deny to myself, I really want him.

And the hardest part is, he wants someone else.

...

He started talking about it months ago but I never really mind back then.

I didn't even care. I even comfort him whenever he feels down because of her.

I've always been beside him. And I guess, you can say I've seen him at his worst. Well, not his worst. But you get the point. Right? We just talk. Randomly. Like there's nothing left to talk about. We dig deep to what our hearts want to say. Or at least, that's what I feel whenever I talk to him. Although, you can never really take away the torture part of it. It's become the definition of us, not like there's an us, but yeah, that's just how we are to each other. Comfortable.

Too comfortable that something unexpected happened. We were talking randomly like we always do that time... As far as I can remember.

...

"Hey!" He put his arms around me. It was after gym class. And as always, he greeted me with his warm 'yo bro' smile.

So like always, I just looked at his arms and brushed it off. What the heck is his problem anyway!? Does he not know I hate skinship. It's the worst kind of relationship there is. Not like we have a relationship. But still.

"I was just being friendly." And he pouted. Oh for pete's sake!?

"You stink!" I told him. And he laughed out loud. Then he punched me lightly on my shoulder. As usual, I slapped him with my gym bag and stomped at his foot before I say,

"Go take a bath! I'll wait up if you want." And he smiled again. Then nodded and headed for the showers.

While waiting, one of our classmates- the nosey one, I suppose, sat beside me and started blabbing words out-of-nowhere. At first, I didn't really look at her. I don't know who she's talking to. This girl must be crazy or something. Until she lightly poked me to get my attention. I didn't even know she was talking to me. So I turned my head and raised my brow at her. I know. I'm rude. What can I say?

Then she pointed somewhere behind me. This girl is confusing. I looked at where she's pointing at and I heard her whisper.

"Your boyfriend's here." That's what she said. And my eyes automatically bulged out. What the heck!?