It's been almost a month since I've written here and I'm really sorry. There's just been a lot of things going on in my mind and I don't really know how to put in in words. How can I? How can you put in words what you feel for someone who apparently doesn't feel the same way? I can't help but cry everytime I write what I feel, everytime I think about it... Everytime I think about him. I feel helpless. I feel this aching inside of me that is irreparable. I feel this pang of guilt because I feel like I'm lying to him everytime I'm with him. Most of all, I feel this hate inside me because no matter what I do, I can't stop loving him.
We haven't seen each other since that day that he asked me to set up the dinner date for two that he's been planning for Valentine's. Don't get me wrong, I helped out. It was like my own dream date... With him. Even if I know it's never going to be real. Honestly, I had a great time planning everything because for a moment there, I thought we were together and that everything is for me.
...
"Hey! What's taking you so long?" He's been complaining since we went inside the flower shop.
"It's not easy choosing the right flower, you know! Especially when you won't tell me w---"
"Good afternoon, Miss! Maybe I can help you both out." The lady cut me off. How dare her!?
"Do we look---"
"Yes, that would be great." Great. And he asked me to help him out. Why didn't he just call an event manager instead of me then!? Cheapskate.
"Well then, follow me here. We have more variety inside." And so we did. Every single flower you can think of is there. I'm ecstatic. Don't get me wrong, I hate the thought of flowers but when I see one, I feel like I'm in heaven. In this case, I feel like I'm in another planet. There's just so many flowers around me. The lady kept on talking with him and my mind just wandered off. She led us to the flower garden and it was breath-taking. It looked so beautiful, magnificent, sublime. I closed my eyes. It lingered in me. I can't even describe it yet somehow, it made me smile.
"Finally!" My eyes snapped open. I looked at him.
"The fuck?" I looked at him.
"You smiled. You've been acting like a grumpy old grandma since we went out today."
"A grumpy old grandma? That's what you think of me?"
"Well, that's what you seemed like a while ago."
I hissed.
"Hey, I just don't want you to be grumpy during the whole event planning thing. I don't want to feel like I'm dragging you into this." He gave a passive smile.
"You DID drag me into this." I told him a matter-of-factly.
He sighed. Shit. "I'm sorry. I just..." His expression change. Was it... sad?
"Hey, chill! I'm up for it anyway, so it's cool!" And I smiled.
"If you say so."
"I do." I held his hand for a second... It felt so warm and loving... Caring, perhaps. I don't know why but it felt like he didn't want to let go... But I did.
"So have you two lovebirds decided yet?" The lady appeared in front of us. Sheeessh! Is she planning to give me a heart-attack!? I'm already broken here. No need to make it worse.
BINABASA MO ANG
Diary of a Broken Heart
Short StoryQuestions filled my mind as I realized it. How did it began? How did it happen? Was I that oblivious? Or was I off-guard? Why wasn't I more careful? Why didn't I become more wary? Why did this have to happen? And most of all, How will I stop myself...
