Chapter 22: Little souvenirs and secrets shared

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Song of the chapter: Say you'll haunt me by Stone Sour.

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Ryder's POV:

We finally got home, I threw my bag onto the floor beside my bed and changed into black sweats and a white tank. I threw my hair into a messy bun as Keaton walked in.

"Hey, uh, can we talk for a minute?" He asked.

"Sure." I said as he took a seat at the desk in the swirly chair as I sat on the bed.

"I know I promised to keep this a secret but, when you were in the hospital, I told the doctor about your eating disorder. Wes was there when I told the doctor. Wes knows about your bulimia." He said truthfully.

"But, last night, when we were in the car, he asked why I made a disgusted face when someone mentioned food. Why would he do that?"

"Maybe he doesn't believe it. Or he doesn't want you to know, that he knows?" Keaton suggested.

"Alright. Thanks for telling me. I love you Keats." I said, hugging him.

Keaton was basically one of my best friends. He was always there for me whenever I needed him.

"Uh, Keaton?" I asked as he was about to walk out.

"Yeah?" He asked turning to face me.

"I'm willing to stop."

"Willing stop what?" He asked, sitting back down in his previous spot.

"Self-harm, bulimia, all of that." I answered, looking out of the window.

The rain tapped on the glass as if someone were throwing small stones up. I watched as several droplets raced down the glass.

I turned back to Keaton who had tears in his eyes.

He tackled me in a hug, squeezing me tight.

"I'm going to be there through it all. I'm going to make you breakfast every morning, I'm going to be the best brother I can be for you. I'll be there every step of the way. Were going to make it Ryder. I promise." He rushed out.

"Alright." I giggled, pushing him off of me.

"Drew's making dinner, you gonna try and eat?" He asked, half way out of the door.

"Why the hell not." I said getting up and walking downstairs with him.

We walked into the kitchen as Drew was finishing up.

Keaton and I sat at the table with Wes as we waited for Drew to finish.

"Hurry the fuck up!" Wes yelled at Drew, as he layed his head down lazily onto the table.

"Hey! You can't yell at the chef." Drew argued, pointing his spatula at Wes.

Drew put food onto four plates, sat one down in front of each of us, and sat one next to Keaton for him.

"How was school?" Wes asked.

"Good. My history teacher hates me because of Drew." I said.

"Mr. Koehnlien?" Wes asked.

"Yeah." I said.

Wes busted out laughing, this went on for two minutes. He high-fived Drew, and tried to contain his laughter.

"Good times in his class." Wes said, grinning like an idiot.

I took small bites of my food, it was actually really good.

I eventually finished my plate, though. It felt like voices in my head were telling me to purge. But, I can't. I have to stay strong for Keaton. For Wes. For Drew.

We all sat in the living room, besides Wes who was skyping Jess.

Alec and Jess explained about how they couldn't be here after the whole coma thing.

"Ryder, go take your medication." Drew instructed.

I went into the kitchen and pulled out all of my medication. It's a wonder how I haven't overdosed with all these pills.

I swallowed each of them, with the help of water.

I went back into the living room to see Wes and Drew having an arguement.

I guess Wes came down while I was in the kitchen.

I didn't think much of it until I heard my name.

"You know nothing about her." Drew stated.

"Oh yeah? I know she has an eating disorder! I didn't tell her that I know because, I don't want to put pressure on the poor kid. I-" Wes was saying, until they noticed I was in the room.

"Ryder." Drew said under his breath.

"Listen, I didn't tell you I know b-" Wes was saying until I cut him off.

"I know you know. Keaton told me. But, did you have to tell Drew?" I asked.

"We were argueing and I guess it slipped. I didn't want to tell him. I swear. I never wanted to hurt you." Wes explained.

"I know you wouldn't do that to me. Why didn't you tell me? Why did you ask me 'why do you make that face when someone mentions food?' You made me feel guilty that I was keeping, what I thought was, secrets so, I didn't hurt you guys?"

"I didn't want to hurt you. I knew you'd be pissed if I told you that I knew. Ryder, I was trying to protect you." Wes continued.

Wesley's POV:

I saw silent tears fall down Ryder's cheeks. I knew I had a couple myself.

I never wanted to hurt her. I didn't even know she was in the room. Hell, I didn't even want to say that.

It all started with an arguement over who would take Ryder to school tomorrow. Damn.

She jogged upstairs and as I was about to run after her, Drew pulled on my shoulder.

"Give her some time, bro." He said calmly.

How could he be so calm? He just found out that his daughter has an eating disorder for God's sake!

She's so broken. She's going through so much and she's only 13.

Were going to fix her, I know it.

Ryder's POV:

I shut and locked my door, sliding my back down it.

I let the tears fall. Not for my own sake though.

I'm ruining everything.

I'm too much for these boys. They obviously were argueing over something that had to do with me.

I thought everything was going well for once.

I'm a waste.

I'm ruining their lives.

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