Original Depressing Quotes And Poems

28: I'm Alive...

So... I guess I'm alive. It's been a week since I posted my suicide note, and yes, I did actually attempt suicide.

But it didn't work.

I was in my cousins house for the holidays, so I decided to attempt it there because I knew that if I failed, my parents still wouldn't know that I'm depressed and suicidal. (My cousin already knew about it).

I decided to go by overdosing. I went into my cousin's bathroom, and got some random pills. By that point, I didn't really care, I just wanted to leave already. I took one pill, then two, then three - the amount I usually take when I'm sick. Then I put five in my hand at once. My body refused to let me put them into my mouth, then I broke down and started crying. I started crying loud and clear, longer than I had ever had before. I was shaking, and I was unable to stop crying, and the shaking caused the pills to fall onto the floor.

I don't know how long passed, but I was still crying, still sitting in the corner of my bathroom when my cousin came back. She heard the crying and immediately ran to the bathroom, where she saw the pills all over the floor, the five pills still in my hand, and the fresh cuts on my wrists.

She called 999, then from there, it's all a blur. I remember being put on a stretcher and my wrists being bandaged, then I think I passed out, or they put me under anaesthetics or something like that, because all I remember was waking up in the hospital.

I didn't really understand what was going on. They performed a few tests on me to see if I was alright, but I had only taken three pills so I knew that, unfortunately, I would be fine. Stitches on my wrists weren't needed because I hadn't cut the deep, so they just changed the bandage. They asked me a lot of questions, but I didn't answer. I hadn't uttered a single word since my cousin found me in the bathroom, and to this day I still haven't.

When I got home, I felt numb all over. I had now will to do anything, not even go on Wattpad. For the past week, I've just been listening to music, reading, and cutting. it was just today that I built up the willpower to go on Wattpad.

To be honest, I expected no comments, I felt that you guys didn't care about me; but i'm crying here right now. All your comments and all your messages were so sweet. I felt guilty attempting suicide. You guys made me feel good about myself, but there's still a voice in my head telling me the opposite.

Some of you said that I'm awesome, great, deserve to live life, etc.; but the demons in my head were telling my otherwise. Would an awesome girl cut herself? Would a girl that deserves to live life try to end it? I've been getting worse, much worse but I felt like my problems weren't important. You know the friend I told you about? The friend that found out that I cut? I feel like she's getting tired of me and my problems, and I just can't take all the pain anymore. I'm sorry for all the pain that I caused anyone, but I'm here now, so... yeah. And I'm sorry if you're tired of all my problems. I'll end this book, if you want. Just like I tried to end my life...