"Hey, do you want to do something today? Something, I don't know, drastic?" I had no idea where Josh was going with this, but for some reason, I was really excited.
"Like what?" I asked.
"Do you want to get a tattoo? I can see you already have some." I nodded excitedly.
Once we got to the tattoo parlor, we showed the artist a picture of the tattoo we wanted. I didn't know if we were making a huge mistake or not. We were getting matching tattoos that would last forever. They were permanent. That scared me a little, but I tried not to think about us breaking up. We're graduating this year, and we felt responsible. Whether or not what we were doing right now was responsible or not was a mystery.
We walked out of the place with some new ink. Josh had his tattoo behind his ear, and I had mine on my bicep.
Hand in hand, we walked to the nearest ice cream shop. It was a fairly local place, and their ice cream was the best I'd ever tasted.
I ordered for Josh, and Josh ordered for me. I got raspberry ice cream for Josh, and he got me cotton candy ice cream. Josh found his friend Brendon and invited him to sit with us.
"What's up Josh? Is this that boy Tyler you were texting me about?" Josh nodded and blushed, obviously embarrassed that his friend had just said what he said.
"Okay, random question. What's both of your least favorite flavors?" Brendon asked. Josh had said something about a friend with ADHD before, I'm pretty sure Brendon was that friend.
"Banana!" We both yelled.
Josh laughed. "It's nice to know that my babyboy and I both hate the same flavor."
"What did you just call Tyler?" Brendon snorted, finding it hilarious that Josh had just called me babyboy.
"Oh shut up, it's not like you haven't called Ryan that before. You're a complete man-whore, Brendon." Josh fought back.
"Okay, that wasn't funny. It's true, but that wasn't funny." Brendon tried to defend himself, but ended laughing just as hard as Josh and I were.
"Okay, I haven't introduced myself properly. I'm Brendon Urie, I'm sure you've heard of me. I'm filthy rich and I sing a lot, and I'm dating Ryan Ross. I'm also pretty popular, and I'm guessing you go to my school."
"It's not you're school, Brendon. Although I'm sure you're family could easily buy it any day."
"Well, you know what they say, I'm special." Brendon said, and I accidentally snorted, and the whole shop turned our way.
"Alright, I think we're done here. Let's go, Ty." Josh pulled me out of the booth we were sitting at as I waved goodbye to Brendon.
"Why'd we leave?" I asked.
"He's a dangerous man. And he's a homophobe."
"Don't be ridiculous. He's dating a dude. How can he be a homophobe?"
"He says that for attention. He called me a faggot. He'll kiss Ryan, and then I see him, two seconds later, making out with some slut in the janitor's closet. And it's a different girl almost everytime."
"But how?" I asked. I couldn't believe this was the Brendon I had just talked to moments before.
"Because he's rich and spoiled. The only thing he cares about is his money. He also has a gun. A very dangerous gun. And it's all his. If you make him angry, he's not afraid to pull the trigger. He's threatened too many people, and I'm afraid that one day he'll do more than just threatening people."
"So basically, if Ryan breaks up with him,"
"Yes. He will." Josh answered my question. He must have been thinking the same thing.
We arrived at Josh's house in time for dinner. Josh wasn't exactly hungry, since we'd just eaten ice cream. Mine came right back up before we even walked two minutes from the shop. I had another panic attack, and this time it was from what Josh told me about Brendon. Long story short, I had lost my appetite.
"Josh, can I go home and grab a few things and say hi to my mom? My dad probably isn't home, but I should grab more clothes if I'm staying any longer." I asked.
"Sure, I'll walk you there." Josh grasped my hand and we walked out the door.
"You should probably tell your mom about your panic attacks. I have a feeling that you don't usually throw up while having them." I shrugged my shoulders and stood on my toes to kiss his cheek.
"Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Even if I told her, it's not like she'd do anything." Josh looked down.
"I'm sorry, I forgot about your relationship with your mom. Hey, can I tell you something?"
"Yeah Josh, anything." I realized how worried he looked, and I automatically became as worried as Josh looked.
"Well, I don't usually talk about this. I also have anxiety. I don't like to talk a lot, and I don't ever want to go anywhere. I'm too scared to do anything. Whenever my band has a show, I don't want to leave my house. My brain just keeps telling me Don't go, don't go back on stage. It's hard to ignore the voices, but I do." Josh was telling me something that he obviously didn't tell many people. I started to wonder if I was the only person that knew about this.
"Oh Josh, I'm so sorry about this. I know exactly how it feels." A tear escaped from my eye.
"Don't apologize. You've made my life so much better. The minute I met you, even if we were about to be lectured by Mr. Way, the voices in my head immediately stopped. God dammit, Tyler, I never want to leave you. I want to marry you, and adopt children, and have a house with a bunch of cats. I love you so much, I can't describe it."
Now, it was my turn to express my love. "For fucks sake, Josh. I want to grow old with you, and move into a beach house and we can watch the sunset every evening just like in those cheesy romantic movies. Believe me, I'm imagining us living in those movies right now. I want to make it a reality. And if that means that I have to suffer with wanting to kill myself, then, fuck, I'd suffer!"
"Tyler, you'd do that for me?"
"Of course, my love." I threw my arms around him as he cupped my cheeks and kissed me. I didn't know where we were, but Josh pushed me against a building and we got closer until every inch of the front sides of our body touched. His tongue found it's way to mine. It was a beautiful moment. My hands lost in his messy hair and our tongues intertwined into a knot, I couldn't imagine having a better time in my life. I touched the tattoo behind his ear, forgetting it was there, and Josh winced.
"Oh God, I'm sorry I ruined the moment."
"Be quiet, you did not ruin the moment." Josh and I continued as if we weren't in public and I had just caused him pain.
