Day One (kaylor fanfiction)

3 (foot on the gas)

After their talk, Taylor had hoped she would have at least a few months of mental preparation but Karlie was ready.

Taylor had offered to carry, very selfishly hoping it would make her feel more connected to this. If she couldn't get excited on her own, maybe she should let biology take over, maybe all the maternal hormones would do the trick.

Within a couple of days of making that decision, Karlie was already trying to coax Taylor into booking the first appointment with fertility clinic. That in and of itself was a task; they had to find a place Taylor could trust, make sure the staff understood their situation and that it had to be discreet. Normally Karlie would have tried to tell Taylor this was all unnecessary but she decided to let her do what she felt she needed to do.

It was turning out to be more arduous then Taylor had thought. It was weeks of doctor's appointments before they got the go-ahead to actually begin the process of trying to get pregnant.

Taylor put on a brave face for Karlie and tried her hardest to meet her level of excitement but there was no stopping the anxious and guilty thoughts from taking up an abhorrent amount of space in her mind. As much as Taylor tried not to think about it, there was still a huge part of her that thought this was a bad idea. But she tried her hardest to ignore all the red flags and alarms going off in her mind and instead focus on being in the moment with Karlie. Most of the time this was a challenge but other times it was like she didn't even have to try.

Taylor had to admit she was having fun going through the sperm donor catalogues with Karlie. They laid next to each other in bed scrolling through the sperm bank's website, giggling at the profiles like school girls going through the yearbook. Except they weren't looking at pictures of the football team, they were looking at a neat grid filled with words. And somehow all these words were supposed to mean something to Taylor.

The page was overwhelming but there really wasn't that much information there; they could only see the donor's hair and eye colour, height and general interests. It seemed ridiculous to Taylor, that they were supposed to decide who would father their child based on this small amount information alone. But Karlie didn't seem too concerned.

Occasionally she would point out one that looked promising and Taylor would always dismiss it.

"Ooou," Karlie marvelled, pointing to the laptop screen. "Look, this one works for Doctors Without Borders." Karlie looked hopeful, her eyes flickering from the screen to Taylor. Taylor looked a bit closer. She shook her head.

"Yeah but he's got dark hair and he's only 5'9. He looks nothing like you." Taylor said, ready to move on.

"So?"

"So, he's not good enough." Taylor said simply. Karlie decided not to fight. They continued scrolling down the page.

"What about that one?" Karlie asked, pointing at the screen.

"We looked at that one."

"Oh right."

They were running out of options; nothing was going to be good enough for Taylor. Unless this baby could magically become half Karlie, they were going to spend the rest of their lives looking for the perfect donor. Karlie could tell nothing was going to appease Taylor's perfectionism.

"Why don't we just blindly pick one?" Karlie offered cheerfully.

"No!" Taylor cried quickly and passionately.

"Why not? It doesn't really matter."

"What if we pick the wrong one?"

"There is no wrong one."