Here Is All I Have

s e v e n

11 MONTHS LATER

"baby, we're going to be late." Peter reminds me from the floor. I pushed him there awhile ago, when he tried to get me out of bed. "come on, we've missed way too many classes. this is college. totally next level, we gotta take it seriously!"

"I gotta take you. seriously." I joke. he sits up abruptly, understanding the dirty reference I just made.

"okay, ten minutes," he tells me, as if he's my superior. "seriously."

"I can definitely manage," I pull him onto the bed, and we make love. he's been so perfect the last eleven months. I've fallen more and more in love with him.

he's only hurt me a few times, and the outbursts are always small. last week, I said I wasn't going to a frat party and he pushed me to the floor. it's bruised, but it doesnt feel sore. he's apologized over and over again. I know he truly feels terrible about what he's done to me. and I will forgive him repeatedly, if it helps him forgive himself. I have gotten sucked back in, just slightly. because the good strongly outweighs the bad. the kisses and the love, overpowers the bruises and fights.

"I'll see you," I quickly tell him as I get dressed and hurry out the door. he'll be upset that I didn't hug him, or kiss him goodbye. but that's a bomb I will defuse at a later time.

NYU has been good to me. my first class is creative writing, and it's honestly the most fun I've had in a long time. I've made a few friends there, and they love Peter, too.

when I walk into class, the first person I see is Alaine. she was the first to ever speak to me here. I haven't seen her since Peter bruised me, and I hope she doesn't notice the marks on my neck. I tried to cover them with concealer and other various types of makeup, but nothing really did it justice. the whole point is, she shouldn't care because I don't. it didn't hurt me, and Peter feels endless guilt for it, and all the other things he has done. his outburst are rare now, so I can be a big girl. I can handle his issues, as he handles mine.

"Arabellzaaaa!" she practically screams my infamous nickname. almost everyone on campus calls me this, although I don't think anyone, including me, knows why it started.

"Alaine," I simply greet her, with a kiss to her cheek. as we back out of an embrace, she gets a look at my neck.

"What the hell, Araballer?" there's never a shortage of nicknames for me, especially when Alaine is the one talking. even when she's angry, she doesn't say my actual name. "hello? tell me what happened, Ar," she's angry, but she guides me into my seat and slides next to me.

"I don't want you to worry. I only told you of Peter's past so you knew I trusted you, not for it to be brought up repeatedly when a strange mark is on my skin," I huff, looking at the professor. it's a chubby lady, I still have trouble remembering her name. I think it's Martha Washington. I'm not sure why I'm thinking about this now. surely, it's my subconscious trying to distract me from reality and sensibility.

"It's not just Peter's past you told me about, it's yours too. and I have every right to be worried, don't I? he did that to you," she accuses. I nod my head, then I look away from her. I thought I could handle this, but I was wrong.

"I'm leaving." I state, gathering my things quickly and fleeing from the room before the professor can say anything to me.

when I exit, I see Peter. he's not alone, his face is attached to a girl I don't recognize. I truly thought I'd never see this again; him cheating. I thought that was over.

"Peter? can you come to my room please?" surprisingly enough, my voice doesn't crack when I speak to him.

he sees me, and he shoos the girl away. I recognize her now, she's in a class I have with Peter. that must've been how they met. I think it could be bad that I'm not heartbroken or angry, just slightly disappointed.