Here Is All I Have

f o u r t e e n

"what if the doctor asks about all my bruises? i mean i'm wearing a huge hoodie so lots of them are covered but i'm also wearing shorts and i have scars and bruises all over and you know he will wonder especially when i show him my bruised knuckles, he will probably assume i'm in an abusive relationship. what if he thinks it's you? and what if he calls the police? what if that happens? what will we say? oh my god i cannot go in there lee, i swear to you. i cannot do it. they'll find out everything. oh fuck, i'm terrified. please don't make me." i'm mumbling and talking faster than i ever have. damn anxiety. "i mean i've always hated hospitals you know but now... fuck i don't know now i'm terrified of them because i have things i don't want any doctors to see. you know doctors always throw shit out of proportion it gets crazy. lee, i mean-"

"bella. calm down. we will be okay." he's smiling as he tucks my blond hair behind my ear.

"i don't know."

"but i do, can that be enough?" i nod, and we get out of his car.

-

"the emergency room? is this really an emergency? i was using it just fine earlier when we showered," i realize my voice is loud.

then my eyes land on a familiar face. "trevor?"

"bella, holy shit."

"i don't want to see you." i say. he drugged me and left me to be raped.

"you don't understand what happened. of course peter blamed that shit on me, i've been texting you for months trying to explain."

"peter blocked your number." i say, though he should've known.

"i figured. but that wasn't my fault. i didn't drug you, i don't know, it must've been peter. he called me before i ran into you on campus. said you were mad about something and he wanted to make it up to you. i took you to the bar, and had you call him. when i heard the message you left him i started to think maybe peter didn't deserve a second chance, but he was already there. and you were getting dizzy, so peter took you away to get help. i had no idea he would leave you with those guys to go get drunk. he left you there just long enough to prance in like a hero, but he was the cause! he set you up to be fucking molested so he could save you and you'd forgive him. i promise you i had nothing to do with it. i cried for days when i overheard one of the guys talking about what happened. i'm so fucking sorry, arabella."

i feel so overwhelmed by this information. "i don't know if i can believe you."

"don't believe peter over me. please."

lee chips in for the first time in awhile, saying, "don't believe peter. he's an ass, of course he would manipulate you like that."

"who's that?" trevor asks with questioning eyes. i laugh, though my nose is stuffy.

"this is lee,"

"are you guys together?"

i nod, while lee says no. "well, i don't know. technically i'm engaged to peter, but-"

"ENGAGED?" they both shout.

"well, um, yes."

lee looks angry. "you fuck me in my shower, and come here in my hoodie, but you're engaged to that abusive asshole? are you kidding me, bella?" he shakes his head. "i thought you guys were just dating, and you were afraid to get out. but he asked you to marry him and you said yes? i have to fucking go, come by my place and get your stuff. jesus christ!" he's yelling, making quite the scene in this otherwise quiet waiting room. he leaves, slamming the door shut dramatically. i can't repress my obvious shuddering at his volume.