Rebellious

3.am.

~Chapter Eight: 3.am.

Roar_Jungle ©~

It's 3 a.m and I can't sleep. I can't even begin to think on how to describe how I feel right now. About the same nightmare I have experienced for the

passed eight days.

My blankets are strewn across the floor from the constant thrashing I do when in a nightmare. My pillow has been chucked at the door when I was awaking from the frightful slumber.

It did nothing to muffle the scream.

Creeping out from my bedroom and down the hall, my footsteps are silent as I tread quietly towards the kitchen. The constant rumbling in my stomach is driving me insane.

The old cupboard door creaks open and I cringe at the sound. It's like nails scraping down a blackboard. Looking around, the moonlight illuminates the room, barely. Turning back around to the cupboard, my fingers search for something to eat.

They close around a cardboard box and holding it under the creamy light from the moon, a purple box rests in my hands. The pizza flavoured shapes are quickly chewed and then swallowed. I didn't realise how hungry I am. The box becomes light and I quickly put them back where they were. Quietly opening the refrigerator door, I reach for the milk bottle.

Pouring half a cup of milk, I place it in the microwave and set it for 1:00. They always say that warm milk helps ya sleep. As the microwave blinks 0:00, I yank open the door before the obnoxious 'beep' won't wake anyone up. Sipping at the warm beverage, I pull a face at how bad it tastes.

Sculling it as quickly as I can, I rinse out the cup and place it upside down on the dish rack. Not feeling any more sleepy, I tip-toe to the lounge. Flicking it on, I turn down the volume so it's at a low hum. The flicker of the commercials burn my eyes as they become heavy.

•••

"I'm sorry Jesse. Your mother hasn't made it. I'm sorry, she passed away." The nurse solemnly says, an apologetic facial expression.

The tears unwillingly fall from my eyes as the nurse leaves me with my dead mother. The flat line is forever imprinted in my brain. My mother blurs slightly as the tears continue to fall. A sob escapes my lips as my hand shakily clasps around my mother's. It's cold. Her flesh is frozen.

Goosebumps trail up and down my arms as my fingers trace the tattoo on the inside of her wrist. The swallows meaning is still unknown to me. She never told me.

Crawling beside her unmoving corpse, my body shudders at the coldness of her. My arms latch around her torso and I bury my head into the crook of her neck. Her long brown hair has fallen out and will never grow back. I will never see the bright spark in her eyes as she talks to me about her day or if she's helping me with Music or Art.

I will never be happy again.

•••

"Jesse?!"

"Jesse?!" A voice says as my body shakes and quivers.

My eyes snap open and four very worried faces search mine. The soft light of the rising sun trickles into the lounge. The tv is still on.

"Are you okay hunny??" Gina asks softly as she strokes my hair. Her arms circle me and I lean into her body, grateful for the embrace.

"N-no." I choke out as more tears fall down my cheeks. It seemed so real. it seemed like it happened.

"You had another nightmare Jess. You were screaming, really loud. We heard you sobbing and the cushion was stained with tears." Luke says quietly as he sits next to me. He used my nickname that only my Mum would use. My eyes fill with tears again and Gina wipes them away with her sleeve.

The fear in his eyes burns bright, like a fire almost. Drawing in a shaky breath, I hide behind my hair and cuddle against Gina.

"W-what time i-is it??" My voice quivers and gives away the pain in my chest.

"It's 6 a.m" Beau replies quietly, his phone in his hand.

"H-how did this happen??" My voice cracks as I wipe away stray tears.

"I don't know Sweetie, I just don't know." Gina says as she strokes my hair.

Jai hands me a glass of water and I gulp in down in seconds. The cold liquid doing nothing to hydrate my dry throat. My hand shakes as I reach forward to put the empty glass on the coffee table.

Luke reaches for it and I let him take it from my grasp. It's almost a peaceful silence at the moment.

They don't know what the nightmares are about. They don't need to know. I hate being so fragile, so delicate. I hate the weak and guilty feeling that continues to churn in the pit of my stomach.

It's an unhealthy feeling.

•••

Ten days have passed. Ten days have flown by without any regard. I haven't notice the time go. I haven't slept in the past 48 hours because I'm absolutely petrified of the horror that will occur when I close my eyes.

The twins finish school in two days, for the term at least. Gina has promised that as soon as the boys get home today, we are going to the hospital. Gina seems to think that seeing Mum will put my mind at ease.

I'm so scared to see Mum. Because it means that my worst fear has become a reality. It means that soon, I will lose my Mum. Forever.

It's 2:35.a.m. I'm absolutely exhausted but my mind jolts awake as my eyes shut. I can't even draw or listen to music because I begin to cry. I can't even look at my sketch pad before crying.

My blankets surround me as mindless cartoons play on the television screen. My imagination is running wild, so many similar scenarios are being thought up.

A mug of coffee is clasped between my hands in an attempt to warm up my frozen body.

"Jesse," A voice calls softly from the lounge doorway.

"Mmm??" I reply as a male figure joins me on the couch.

"You okay??" Beau asks.

"Just dandy." I say with a sigh. "I can't sleep. I haven't slept since my last nightmare."

My eyes fall to my mug and I watch the colours dance on the liquid.

"Do you want to talk about it??" Beau suggests.

My eyes dart to his face, his expression unreadable. I shrug my shoulders, unsure of my voice and how it'll portray my feelings at the moment.

"When was your last... nightmare??"

"Two days ago. I've dozed but that's it really. I think I had a nap yesterday but no, I haven't had a proper sleep in awhile." I admit as I set the mug on the coffee table.

"I'm scared Beau. I'm shit scared about seeing Mum." I whisper.

Avoiding his gaze, I mute the hum of the television. I wasn't watching it anyway. It's was just a distraction and still is.

"You don't need to be scared Jesse. She'll be happy to see you." He tells me but I don't believe him. "I can't tell you that she'll be fine, because she won't be but I'll tell you this, you'll regret not spending time with her."

Reaching for his hand, I squeeze it appreciatively. I'm grateful for his company and his somewhat wise words. Its quite rare to hear Beau talking like this. Talking so wisely.

An awkward silence passes before Beau speaks again. "Well I'm going to go back to bed now."

"Okay, I'm just gonna stay up." I say, my finger tracing shapes on the blanket around me. Beau leaves me alone once again and I unmute the television.

Changing the channel, my eyes flick to the time in the corner of the screen. It's 3:15.a.m. I don't feel an ounce of drowsiness.