Rebellious

I Miss You

~Chapter Nineteen; I Miss You

Roar_Jungle ©~

Footstep after footstep, I continue to venture further and further away from the civilization of my family and 'friends'. Who am I kidding?! I don't have any friends!?Looking back at what happened, I have come to realize that I shouldn't have snapped at Kat the way I did. It was totally uncalled for and she didn't deserve to feel my wrath. Thinking back on what happened, I now realize that Kat was only trying to comfort me and all I did was push her away as well as be a complete and utter bitch to her. Like I said, she didn't deserve to feel my wrath.

Collapsing on the grass verge in front of me, I stare up at the sky to see the moon shining brightly in the midst of the misty clouds; the stars not quite visible. Goosebumps dance across my skin as the temperature drops slightly, the biting wind probably making the apples of my cheeks red. The dewy grass brushes against my bare arms and legs and I close my eyes slowly, savouring the silence. A car door slams in the distance, the roar of many car engines are faintly heard in the distance. Crickets start to chirp. Cicadas sing. A dog barks happily. It's so peaceful. A small smile draws across my lips. Nobody ever realises but this is what makes the world go round; peacefulness.

Silence surrounds me as I sit up, the only noise you can hear is my breathing. Bringing my knees closer to my chest, my arms locking around them tightly. The cool wind nips at my bare shoulders and I bury my head in my forearms, blocking the world out with my ombre hair. Why did I react like that? Why did I snap at Kat? Why did I lose my cool? It's just not like me. I don't cry in front of people and I certainly don't act like that. It's like something inside of me just snapped and I lost my composure. My mask, yeah it had flaws but still, nobody could really tell how I was feeling. But ever since... ever since my Mum passed, it's like my mask and composure are on pause and that my emotions are on the big screen for everyone to witness; a rare moment. I don't like it; my emotions being available for everyone to see.

Running my hands over my face, my fingertips brush over small pimples that are beginning to form around my hairline. Huffing out a breath of oxygen, someone shouts in the distance. Sitting up straighter, I glance nervously around my surroundings but I don't see anything moving in the growing darkness. Closing my eyes, I inhale and exhale before getting to my feet. Running my eyes, I start to head in the general direction of Gina's home.

"I feel so numb, staring at the shower wall

It's begun, he feeling that the end has come

And now the water's cold

I tried to eat today, but the lump in my throat got in the way," I shake my head as tears well up in my eyes, my voice cracks as I relate to every single line that I just murmured to myself. Why? Why did my mother have to be taken away from me?! God and those damn angels are so fucking selfish.

"In this time I've lost all sense of pride, I've called a hundred times

If I hear your voice I'll be fine

And I, I can't come alive; I want the room to take me under

'Cause I can't help but wonder, What if I had one more night for goodbye?

If you're not here to turn the lights off, I can't sleep

These four walls and me.." I trail off as the tears finally break free and line my cheeks.

"JESSE?!" A voice calls, they sound close. Glancing around, no movement is visible, even with the aid of the streetlights. I must be imagining things.Shaking my head, I continue to walk, hoping that I'll find something that looks vaguely familiar.