Slightly Consequential (Slightly Awkward Series / Book Five / Teen Wolf)

CHAPTER TWELVE---Damnatio Memoriae

The bodies at the nemeton had been found and brought to the morgue.

Dad was still in the hospital.

I was sleeping, finally coming to, looking around the hospital room.

Dad and Stiles weren't here.

I stood, walking into the hallway, looking around in confusion. I had a feeling of where they might have gone, taking the elevator down to the basement, walking toward the morgue.

Dad and Stiles were inside, standing over a body.

It was Donovan's body.

I looked down, hesitating, opening the door.

Dad and Stiles looked at me, seeming sad and sympathetic, nodding for me to come over.

I slowly walked closer.

          °        

Stiles, Dad and I were standing around Donovan's body, though we never lifted the sheet away from his face.

Dad looked at me. "The story Theo told me about the library. That's how it happened. Except it didn't happen to him."

I looked down. "Yeah."

"Stacie, I can't protect you if I don't know the truth," Dad told me. "Did you really feel like you couldn't tell me?"

"She didn't tell anyone," Stiles told him.

"Did you think that I wouldn't believe that it was self-defense?" Dad asked. I looked up, tears in my eyes. "I'd believe you."

"Yeah, well, what if the judge didn't?" I asked.

"Then to hell with the judge," Dad told me. "Stacie, it was self-defense, and I would destroy every shred of evidence to protect you if I had to. I would burn the whole sheriff's station to the ground."

I didn't answer, backing away from the body, running a hand through my hair.

Dad and Stiles put Donovan's body back into the slab.

I took a few deep breaths, looking at Dad. "What about upholding the law? What about Kira?"

"Kira was a mistake," Dad told us. "I guess I'm learning how to bend."

"So, what, it just goes away?" I asked.

"Not for you," Stiles answered. "The problem now is how to bear this burden."

"This kind of thing is not at all uncommon in law enforcement," Dad told us. "A fatal mistake. A partner who dies. Or one who gets paralyzed. Stacie, you carry that with you. Sometimes it doesn't truly feel okay again until there's a kind of counterbalance."

"Like what?" I asked.

"Like instead of taking a life, you manage to save one," Dad answered. "Something like that can help, but maybe only for a moment. But the real conflict you're having now is between your head and your heart. Your head? Your head knows that the only crime you committed was surviving. But your heart? Your heart still thinks it was murder."

Stiles took a deep breath. "So, I guess you, uh... you gotta get your heart to catch up to your head."

I sniffled, crossing my arms across my chest, feeling like I could hold myself together. "I feel like it's more than guilt, though. You know, I feel like... I feel like I lost something. You know, I feel like I can't get it back."

Dad looked at me sadly, shaking his head. "You won't." I nodded, having known that myself, looking away. "Not entirely. But you get a little bit by forgiving yourself." I fought back tears, shaking my head, looking down. "And since that's not always the easiest thing in the world to do, then maybe you start by forgiving someone else." Dad looked from Stiles to me. "Someone who probably really needs it."