The Riveting Lives of Russell and Sal

Chapter 29

"You have to select either 'strongly agree' or 'strongly disagree' for each question? Who the hell selects strongly anything? Most people would select agree or disagree. But no, these places expect you to choose strongly. And then people wonder why unemployment is so high."

Sal was, as usual, ranting to Mouser. This time about the struggles of job hunting, as he really needed the money for when he moved to Oregon.

About an hour ago, he began applying for jobs online at nearby retail stores. So far, every single online application forced him to take a ten minute quiz on his personality. He was required to answer, on a scale of strongly agree to strongly disagree, his feelings on a statement. He quickly discovered that this so-called "quiz" was complete and utter bullshit.

"This so-call 'quiz' is complete and utter bullshit," Sal had said to Mouser. "'I get angry easily.' Who is going to select 'agree?' 'I'm always on time.' Who is going to disagree? Obviously you have to lie to get an interview here."

After he finished applying to the first store, he moved on to another store, only to come across a similar quiz. The third place he applied to also made him take a quiz. So Sal hopped on his favorite search engine to unveil the mystery behind why every retail store forced him to take such a pointless test. That was when he discovered the truth behind the quiz, and that he most likely would not receive any interviews, much less job offers.

"If I get a question wrong, they won't even look at my application," Sal said. "They might consider an interview if they like my answers. But I won't be guaranteed an interview unless I select strongly agree or strongly disagree. No in-betweens or neutrals!" Sal had, like most human beings, selected regular agrees and disagrees. Because Sal, like most human beings, did not have strong feelings towards every statement listed. "I've failed them all!"

But he found a website that listed all the answers, and smiled deviously as he began his application to Kovyn's.

"'I am an honest person.' Strongly agree!" Sal said aloud, clicking the strongly agree button with glee.

The next day, Sal received a phone call from Kovyn's for a job interview. The following day, he attended that interview.

He wore the same black shirt and slacks he wore on his first date with Russell, and made sure to tie his hair back. He didn't know how kindly Kovyn's took to long-haired men. While waiting for the hiring manager to call him in, he wondered if it was possible to sue a company for rejecting an applicant for having long hair.

The manager turned out being a woman with long, dark hair tied up in a bun. After introductions, Jenn gestured towards a seat in front of her desk. Sal gave her a friendly nod and sat in the chair.

She pulled out a clipboard and a pen. "Tell me about yourself."
"I'm loyal, dedicated, and work well with others," Sal said, cursing himself for using a bored-sounding voice.
Jenn nodded and scribbled something down on her clipboard. "What is your greatest weakness?"
Be cheerful, Sal reminded himself. He sat up straight, and delivered his answer in an upbeat voice. "I tend to procrastinate a lot, but I've been attempting to overcome that weakness by buying a planner to keep track of what needs to be done." He looked her in the eye, smiling. "I'm a firm believer in self-improvement."
Jenn asked several more questions. Sal answered them the way all his internet research advised, while trying to sound as friendly as possible.
"Why do you want to work here?"
"I shop here often, so I know the merchandise."
She wrote something else down on her clipboard, then asked, "Do you have any questions?"
Another trick question. "What's a typical day working here like?"
And so Sal got a rundown of the everyday duties he would have as a cashier while he pretended to care.
"Don't call us, we'll call you," Jenn said.

The next week, she called him with an offer. Sal was thrilled. Finally, he was employed, and one step closer towards his goal of living with Russell.

His first day zipped by, but he enjoyed every minute of it. Although his co-workers seemed to hate it. But for Sal, the only downside was standing on his feet the whole time. He groaned when he remembered he had planned to take the bus home, which involved walking. For a moment, he considered calling Brenda to ask for a ride, but he didn't want to burden her.

Sal arrived home to find an unfamiliar, silver car parked in their driveway. Brenda and Tyler sat on the front porch, talking. They waved when they saw Sal approaching.

"Who's here?" Sal asked.

Brenda smiled. "Nobody."

"Then why is there a 2010 Honda Civic parked in our driveway?"

Brenda's smile widened. "Happy late birthday and graduation!"

"This is for me?" Sal asked, heart racing. "You didn't have to buy me a car."

"It's an old car," Tyler said, shrugging. "I got a good deal on it."

The sore feeling in his feet forgotten, Sal jumped and gave Brenda a tight hug. "Thank you so much!" He almost gave Tyler a hug, but held back. Ever since Heather outed him to Tyler, things had been awkward between them. They'd barely spoken since.

Tyler handed him the key to his car, grinning. "Want to take it for a test drive?"

Sal drove the car around the neighborhood while Tyler sat in the passenger seat. For awhile, they were both silent. But Sal had a feeling Tyler wanted to talk about something.

"How are you liking it so far?" Tyler asked.

Sal had no complaints, especially since he'd no longer have to walk or take a bus. "It's great."

"I thought so too. It's better than my first car. My first car was twenty years old and broke down every other week. I learned a lot about car repair that year."

More silence. Sal turned onto a main road.

Tyler wiped at his shirt. "So, Savannah was saying aces can still date and fall in love."

And there it was. The main reason Tyler came along for the test drive.

"I learned a lot about it online."

Sal slowed to a stop at a red light, and ran his hand over the steering wheel, noticing Tyler's eyes on his black ring. "You looked it up?"

"Of course. I wanted to understand it, so I can be better support. My reaction wasn't the best. I don't blame you for being mad at me."

"I'm not mad." Although he had spent the past couple weeks avoiding Tyler because of his reaction. He wasn't exactly mad at him, mostly disappointed and ashamed. But the fact Tyler took the time to look into asexuality made him feel a little better about the situation. Accepted, even.

"I'm sorry I acted the way I did," Tyler said. "And I want you to know that I'm here for you, and you're free to talk to me about it. About anything."

As much as Sal appreciated the gesture, he'd rather not go to Tyler with his problems. That's what he had Russell, Savannah, Stewart, and Mouser for. But he nodded anyway. The red light turned green, and he hit the gas.

"Is Russell also asexual?" Tyler asked.

"No."

"And he's still with you? He's okay with it?" Tyler sounded surprised.

"He told me he is."

"I only want to be sure," Tyler said. "It's rare for someone who isn't asexual to give up... you know."

Sal face burned. This was the exact reason why he didn't want to discuss his problems with Tyler.

"He must really love you."

"No he doesn't."

"Of course he does. That's a huge sacrifice." He paused, his eyes on Sal. "He's not pressuring you, is he?"

"Not at all."

"Good. You let me know if he does. I have a gun put away somewhere." Tyler leaned his seat back.

Sal suppressed a grin at the visual of Tyler chasing down Russell with a gun. But Sal trusted Russell with his life. He'd never pressure him to do anything. Sal chewed the inside of his lip. "Do you really think he loves me?"

"I know he loves you."