Forbidden

Chapter 44

44

Heat.

I felt heat.

All around me, engulfing my body in a never ending searing of flesh that felt almost contained…

Burning.

I felt burning…

Making my skin whistle like a kettle, singing litanies of pleas for redemption.

I could feel the blistering sting of the heat licking my skin, making the skin sizzle with an eerie pop…

My body had ceased to listen to all forms of conformity that my brain was spewing on endless whim. I could still feel, but I had no control over any of my limbs at all.

Helpless.

I felt helpless.

I realized, with a heavy heart, as the uncomfortableness of my situation dawned upon me that I was dying.

Dying.

I was dying.

Drowning in a thick ocean of darkness, knowing full well what such darkness meant. It closed in on me, cutting off the air that pumped throughout my lungs, slowing my heart to a sluggish, nullified gait. I knew the feeling was disappearing from the tangibility in my fingertips by the way my body, my skin, even in being swallowed by the heat, became numb, cold—dead. I struggled against the depressing weight of the darkness, refusing to become a part of it. Refusing to be turned down by life. I needed to live. I needed to live for Liam, for Hayden, for Tegan! I needed to see the end of this war through. I couldn’t shortchange my last breaths.

I couldn’t.

I couldn’t.

Those two words seemed to be the steady mantra my heart beat along to, until the syllables each beat reiterated seemed to fade into the pressing darkness. One by one.

I couldn’t hold on anymore.

Tumbling.

I was tumbling.

Through the thick sea of darkness, like a baby bird, who’s just jumped from the nest. Terror filled my soul; raging regret for releasing the tiny fragment of hope I’d been clinging to inside. Falling freely through the darkness, I couldn’t help but feel the hopelessness, the uncertainty disappear from my heart. Replacing it with…

Freedom.

How cliché is that, feeling free, even in the clutches of death? I embraced the fear of falling, the once creepy fingers of death twining around me, and the ominous blackness that shrouded my vision and set me afire with regret for leaving Liam and everyone behind. I wanted to be wrapped in the darkness’ beauty.

A pinprick of light, growing larger and larger as I free fell through time…

The freedom my heart sought took off, growing wings, anchoring me closer and closer to the growing white light at the end of the darkness, waiting patiently for me, arms wide.

 I wanted to be free, once and for all.

Just this once…

I was yanked from the peaceful silence, the happiness that came with the bright white light. Colors burst before my eyes, filling the black void in a flurry of swirling shapes and oddities, and a distinct rushing in my ears…

No…

Hands.

Hands flailing in front of me as colors burst in my vision, making the blackness dissipate. I wanted it. I wanted the freedom of releasing myself. I had looked forward to the weightlessness of being a spirit, without all the pains, the emotions that came with being living. Why was I being sent back? What had I done wrong?