Cancer

9. The light behind your eyes

"You haven't finished her yet?" I ask Gerard as we sit down in the living room. Bandit is in kinder garden and Lyn-z is out with her band. I went to Gerard and Lyn-z's house for a couple of hours ago. There's nothing at home – or at Shane's house other than a grumpy Canadian, and I don't feel like dealing with him today. Trevor is in school and Shane is at Tyler's for some reason, I don't know.
"I don't know her story, you know. You can't just draw something, without knowing its story, if you have to give it emotions, you know. She needs a story." He takes a sip on his coffee and turns to me.
"So, how is everything?" he folds his hands and leans against the sofa back. I put the paper down on the table and turn to him, thinking. Well, everything is good, but that Canadian I'm living with. "Fine. What about you?" I half lie. He licks his lower lip suspicious. "You sure?" he asks taking his mug off the table and face me again. "Well. There's this guy, who is my, you can call it a roomie. He's also staying at Shane's house. Hum, he's. Hum." I scratch my neck unsure. "I don't like him. He doesn't like me neither." I avoid Gerard's gaze, and think about the last days. Where he called me "physically challenged," and stupid. His gaze when Shane told me to take my pills. "Is he bullying you?" Gerard asks me easy, but still worried. I sigh, and try not to get angry with Matt. "I guess we just don't like each very much." I smile stiff at Gerard. He nods understanding. "You know, you could always just stay here, if you want." He put that as a statement. I smile wry. "Thanks Gerard, but I don't think avoiding the problem, is going to solve it. Though I am visiting more." I wink at him and get up from the couch.
"Are you staying for dinner, then?" Gerard asks as the whole family are together. Lyn-z smiles at me, hugging me, as she cooks dinner. Bandit is in Gerard's arms, smiling at me. "Frank is coming over as well." Lyn-z says to Gerard. Frank? Oh, the man Bandit was staying with the night I was at the hospital. I nod. "Sure, I can stay. I just have to call Shane, then. Be right back!" I cheer, grabbing my phone in my back pocket:

Hi Shane, I am staying at Lyn-z and Gerard's house for dinner.

Hey Lou, yeah sure. Just remember your medication and behave! Don't get home too late and nuts back and critters!

Of course! See ya!

He has that from Tyler. Tyler told me that, a time me and Trevor were at his place. He told us: NBC (nuts back and critters) which mean: Look out for crazy people: Nuts. Watch your back: Trust no one. Everyone will betray you. Critters: don't run over any animals.
"I can to stay for dinner!" I exclaim as I see a short man with short black hair. He looks a lot younger than Gerard to be honest. Like the mid 20's He looks like a punk-rock gnome. Like me. Awesome! But this man is not "anybody." Nope. His Halloween finger tattoos. His voice. This man is Frank Iero. "Hey I am Frank Iero." He says and I hug him. I pull away quickly. "I'm sorry." I apologize looking at the ground. I pull my hand out and wait for him to shake it. "I'm Lou." By my surprise, he pulls my hand away and hugs me again. "I prefer hugs." He says and that makes me giggle. "Me too."
"You two are going to be great friends!" Lyn-z cheers. I pull away from the hug and smile at my new friend, Frank.

I discreet walk out of the kitchen and into the living room to get my bag. I reach the bathroom and close the door careful, without anyone noticing. I'm happy I've met Frank. Really. He's awesome and caring. And funny! I look down at the jar of colored pills, blue and red and the other, orange and green and then just some plain white pills. I swallow them with the water from the sink and then take the floating medicine, which tastes like ass. Not that I've tried the flavor: ass, but yeah. I put the jars back in the bag and the bottle also. I leave the bathroom but suddenly bump into something. "Oh, shit. I'm sorry." Frank exclaims as he grabs me by my hips and pulls me into him. I shot my eyes up at him looking a little embarrassed. "No, I'm sorry. Are you okay?" I stand by myself now. "Yeah, I'm fine. Are you okay?" I look down, realizing we're holding hands. "Hum, yeah, I am okay." I say almost like a robot. The hell is wrong with me. He looks at our connected hands and let's go. He clears his throat and I grin. "Let's go." I smile polite.

"So what do you like to do?" Frank asks me sitting at the dinner table. Lyn-z is a cooking senpai. "I write a lot. A little too much, if you ask my big brother, but it's my way to calm down or just have fun. I play guitar, but I haven't done it for a while. You see, I don't own a guitar. And I like to go on adventures." I smirk at Lyn-z, who's smiling at me. "Define "adventures."" Frank demands eating the feta on his plate. "Well," I start, folding my hands. "It could be anything from a walk to McDonalds to a trip to Disneyland. It's all about making memories. Yeah, I think, that's what I like best. Just living." I smile confirming my statement. "Poetic, I like it." Frank smiles at me. Lyn-z and Gerard looks understanding at me, with a touch of sadness. I look into Gerard's eyes. He doesn't look that happy anymore. He takes Lyn-z's hand and gives it a squeeze. He looks back up, and smiles weak. Lyn-z is thinking about it as well. Frank and Bandit has no idea what is going on though. I don't think, they even realized it. They don't know about me either. I finish my food and leave for the bathroom. "I'm sorry, I just need to... pee." Is what I am using for an excuse. Lyn-z nods sad and start dishwashing with Gerard. Frank is putting Bandit to bed in the mean time I am "peeing."
I stand in front of the mirror, just looking at my own reflection. I lean on my arms against the sink. I am okay. I just needed some space alone. To think. I know, I am going to die soon, but I am okay. Ish.
I leave the bathroom and see Lyn-z and Gerard discussing. "I wish I could do something, but I can't." Gerard sounds mad. Or maybe he's crying, I am not sure. "I wish she would stay here. I don't want to lose her." I stand behind the wall listening closely. "I know, me neither but she's not our kid." Lyn-z sobs. I walk out of my hiding spot, joining their conversation. "I've been staying here longer than I've been at "home" with Joey. And I see you as my mom and dad. I don't know, if that's wrong, but I love you guys." Tears starts falling down my cheeks. "I love you." I say again a little louder. I crash into them, crying, and hugging them tight. They hold me into a family hug. "We love you too, sweetheart." Gerard says and kisses my head. Nobody has really told me that, since my foster parents died. It means so much to me. "You're not going to lose me." I say quiet, loud enough for them to hear me, though. They hug me tighter. "When I am gone, please keep the light behind your eyes. I will still be here, just not physically. But I'll come as a ghost, and then we'll still be a family." I cry. I care about them. No, I really truly love them. THEY ARE MY FAMILY. More than Joey and Daniel. They wouldn't leave me. Joey and Daniel did. Why did they leave me? We pull out of the hug and Lyn-z wipes my tears away with her thumps, holding the eye contact between us. Gerard dries his eyes with his sleeves. "You will always be a part of this family, Lou. Always." She whispers. I hug her again. "Thank you."