Cancer

11. No private boundaries

We decided to head off to bed after they made sure I was "okay." Gerard asked Frank to stay. "Just in case." Whatever that means. Frank decided to sleep in the guest room with me. Lyn-z and Gerard went to bed after they kissed me goodnight. Frank carried me into the room and laid me on the bed. Apparently, it's only my hands that works. I am "paralyzed" in my whole body, but my hands and head. I still feel touching though. He brought me my oxygen "set," and sat it beside the bed, handing me my mask. I look down my body, rolling my eyes. I can't believe, what I am going to ask. "Frank." it still HURTS. He turns to me, eyeing at my clothing. He nods understanding. He lays me down in the bed carefully. He opens my jeans and start sliding them down. "I'm sorry, if you find this awkward. I'm just helping you." He points out. I nod biting my lower lip. He pulls off my pants and throws them to the floor. He sits me up again, looking into my eyes. "Don't bite your lip like that." He points at my lip. I let go of it and lick the mark I made. He's very close to my face. We're talking: inches apart. I look at his lips. Gosh, I could kiss them. But that wouldn't be fair to any of us. "My bra." I sigh. Okay, note to self: don't sigh, it hurts too much. He nods and gets his hands under my shirt. He clicks it open and pulls it out my sleeve. He looks at me as if asking: "Okay?" I nod and look him in the eyes. His hands on my shoulders, laying me down carefully.
I follow him with my eyes, as he stands at the end of the bed, pulling off his shirt, showing off his tattoos. My jaw falls to the floor, and I am... drooling? He opens his belt and snaps it off looking at me. I pretend to look out the window, but he smirks at me. "I saw you." He winks at me. He pulls off his pants and now he is standing in front of me, only dressed in boxers. He gets in bed next to me, pulling the covers over us. This is the first time I've slept next to a boy.
He turns around facing me. He lets his fingers cross my skin on my hands. He looks worried, a little nervous to be exact. "What?" I ask without any facial expression. He's still shocked over my voice. "Does-" he stutters, not sure if to ask or not. "Just. Ask." I smile carefully. Pain really demands to be felt this time. He takes a deep breath and starts talking. "Does it hurt? I mean, right now?" he cares. He wants an honest answer, and I am done with lying. "Yes." I say simply. Even that hurt. "Bad?" Frank asks further. I nod looking away from him. He leans in, grabbing me by my hips and turns me around, so I am laying on my side facing him. "See, that's better, now I can see your beautiful face." he smiles and removes my hair from my face. I blush and bite my lip loosely. He giggles at me. "You're cute."
After Frank fell asleep, I really started thinking. I don't have my computer in here, and as you know, I can't even write to you. So here I am. Thinking aloud. Whispering to myself, while Frank is sleeping next to me. My body is still facing him, and I am literally talking to him. Or, well, you, my dear friend.
He can't hear me anyways. I try to reach out for his face with my hands, but I can't move. It's only my fingers. Ridiculous. I keep watching him. His cute little face. His calm snoring. His lips. Oh, Lord. I think I am falling in love with you, Frank Anthony Iero.

"Did you even sleep?" Frank asks me, as he opens his eyes and see me staring at him. I mean, I wasn't staring-staring. I was just. I don't know. Watching him sleep. Okay, it might sound creepy as fudge, but it's not! I swear! You would also stare, if you laid beside a guy-man this wonderful and adorable! Don't blame me. "Hum. Not really, but I am just fine." I smile. I am feeling better though. It doesn't hurt in my body, and my lungs don't "burn" anymore. I smile at him, and he groans with his morning voice. "Don't pull that card, Lou. You're cute, and don't get me that in the morning. You're killing me." he squeezes his eyes shut and blushes. "You too." I wink at him. Yes, I am doing much better. He turns to me, smiling, holding my gaze. "Maybe we should get up, you know? It's 9 am." I point out looking at the wall behind him. There's a picture of a little girl and two guys. Soon enough I recognize it's Bandit and the one man is her dad, Gerard. The other man has blonde hair, side cut, a little taller than Gerard is, but doesn't smile as bright, Mikey Way.
"Yeah, okay." Frank rises from the bed. Still shirtless. And, I am staring again. He stands in the foot end of the bed showing of his tattoos. He scratches his chest, looking at me. I look away from him. At the wall actually. "You're staring." He smirks. My fingers squeeze the duvet over me. "Was not." I blush. "Anyways. Need my help?" He asks referring to me putting on clothes. I look down at myself, remembering he dressed me off last night. I try to sit up myself. I try. I really try. However, NOTHING happens. I am, what Matt told me I was: "Physically challenged." I do not know, how long time it will take my body to recover. I hope, it's over soon, but how should I know?
"Come on." Frank says hugging my body into his, helping me sit that way. I stare at the floor, while sitting on the edge of the bed. I don't want this. He is like my home-helper, like a nurse. I don't want him to do that. I want to do it myself! He reaches out for my clothes, and sigh. "Look I know, you don't want me to do this, I could get Lyn-z in here, if that's what you want?" he scratches his neck. I think it over for a moment and shake my head. "No, it's fine, I just want to do it myself, but I can't and it's so frustrating, but. I can't." He throws my clothes to the floor and sit down on his knees in front of me. He puts his hands on my shoulders. "Hey. What about I get some T-shirt from Gerard's closet, you know, a comfy over-sized one, and then we have a nice chill-or-whatever-you-will-call-it-day? How does that sound?" I smile at his adorableness. "Thank you, Frank. That would be nice." I nod. "However, we have to get you to the hospital at first, I promised Gerard." He says nervous. I just nod. I knew it would happen. I can't as a patient already, just ignore, that I am dying, and this is some bad shit I am in. "So I might have to get you dressed. At least put some pants on you, if that's okay, and steal an oversized from your dad." He says smiling. I smile back at him. He called Gerard my dad. Without doubting it. "I mean, Gerard." He corrects himself, as soon as he realized what he just said. I shake my head and giggle. "Dad is fine." He nods smiling wry. He helps me with the jeans and leaves the room to get a shirt from Gerard's closet.
"Okay, this is what I could find." He holds up an old college hoodie. It's from back when Gerard went to art-college. Sick! He helps me put it on, and then he carries me out to the dining table. He lets me dump down in a chair beside Gerard. "Morning, sweetheart." Lyn-z kisses my cheek and hands me a couple of pancakes. "Thanks Mom." I smile at her. She looks surprised at me. I look down. "I'm sorry, if you don't want me to call you-" She interrupts me by hugging me tight. "No, honey. I'm glad you see me as your mom, 'cause I see you as a daughter as well." I lean my head against her arm as a hug back. She lets go of me, and Gerard takes my fork. He looks at it. Then back at me. "I am sorry, but I just want to help you." I nod, and let him feed me, thinking I hate this being unable to take care of myself.
"I'm going to take her to the hospital." Frank points out, as soon as we're done eating. Gerard and Lyn-z agree, and let him. He picks me up and gets me out in the car. He gets in the car as well and start driving.

"It's only a shock. Your body is paralyzed from your shoulders and down, but for some reason, your fingers are okay. You're going to be okay, Louisa. Just see it as if your body got so scared, it wouldn't dare to let anything like this happen again. Like, when we as persons gets scared, we ignore the fear. You just have to give your body time. Until the day you can take care of yourself." Charlie says pulling out a wheelchair. "You have to sit in this." He sends Frank a glare. "Louisa, can I talk to your friend alone for a couple of minutes?" I look confused at him. Charlie has never held anything a secret from me. I do not feel hurt, but I feel disappointed. I should not, but I do. I nod, and he and Frankie leaves the room. I sit in silence staring at my new "friend." The wheelchair. I wonder what they are talking about.