Cancer

10. Bloodstains

Apparently, I fell asleep with my head lying in Frank's lap, while we were watching a movie. I'm half-awake, still not moving. I hear the grown-ups walking around fumbling with stuff I don't know what is. I feel a person sitting down in front of my sight. I feel Lyn-z's smooth hand stroking my hand. "She's adorable, when she sleeps." Frank giggles above me. I sense his laugh vibrating in my head. I open my eyes half and see Lyn-z's beautiful face. "Sweetie? You have to wake up, you need to go home to Shane." She says quiet, just to let me wake up. I frown as I think about the grumpy Canadian at Shane's place. I hate thinking like this, but it's too risky. He makes me mad, and we all know what my rage does. What if I am alone with him, and I get all furious and there's nobody else there to stop me? Yes, I am afraid to get upset. My temper can kill. And. I like staying at Gerard and Lyn-z's. I don't want to leave.
"I don't want to go back." I choke out. Am I crying? Yep, I definitely am. I sob, and snuggle further into Frank. "I don't want to back." I whisper, squeezing my eyes. Tears stream down my face. I let them fall.
Lyn-z strokes my tears away. "Why are you crying?" She asks worried, stroking my cheek. "I don't want to go back." I repeat again. "Do you want to stay here?" She asks calmly. I nod as I open my blank eyes and look up at her. "I just need my computer, Destiny and my oxygen mask at Shane's." my eyes shot up and I struggle to get up. Gerard nods at Lyn-z. "I'll take you, we'll pick up your stuff and then you can stay here for the night." I rise to my feet and look down at the awkward sat, Frank. "You're a nice pillow." I smirk at him with my wet eyes. He rolls his eyes and throws a pillow after me. "Bandit said the exact same thing to me. I am not fat. Now get out of here!" I laugh at him missing the shot. "Whatever you say, grandpa!" I wink at him. Lyn-z giggles at us. "Told you, you were going to be great friends! You're already like an old married couple!" My eyes grow big at her comment. "He's a little too old for me. Haven't you seen his grey hair?" I joke devilish. His jaw falls to the floor. "And she's a brat." He exclaims, pointing fingers at me. I put on my shoes and my jacket. Before Gerard and I leave, I turn around and wave at Frank and Lyn-z. "Welcome to kinder garden, Frankie."

"Frankie?" Gerard exclaims as we get out in the car. I sit in the front passenger seat and buckle my seat belt in. I smirk at the nickname. "Yeah?" I look up at the grown-up next to me. He starts driving to Shane's as he laughs at my word-choices.

Gerard parks in the garage to Shane's house. I feel all sweaty and... scared? Am I nervous because of a Canadian with bad behavior? Wow. Never happened before. "Hum." I turn to Gerard, looking down, then out of the window, and then back at him again. "I.-Do you want to.- I don't know.-" I stutter. He interrupts me by opening the door and getting out. "Come with you? Yeah, sure." He smiles calmly. I get out of the car and we walk inside. I tell Gerard to stay there, while I go upstairs and get my stuff. I see the grumpy Canadian sitting in the living room, before I head up. He doesn't notice me. Great, if I don't have to deal with him today, then so be it! I get into Trevor's room, he's not here. I look at a paper on the desk: At a friend's house, sorry Lou – The twin. It's written with a yellow pen. Why is it always yellow? I shake my head and reach for my oxygen mask + the bottle. Charlie has given me a bottle of oxygen to connect to the mask. Yes, I am doing better. Feel my irony! I put them in a new bigger bag with my computer and take Destiny under my arm. I pack some nightclothes as well, and my toothbrush and my hairbrush. Downstairs I see Gerard talking to Shane. They both look happy. "I'm just glad, she has you and your wife." Shane says smiling. He actually is happy for me.
I hear a fake cough behind me, as I fumble with my stuff in my bag. I turn to see Matt. I roll my eyes at him. "What do you want?" I ask, irritated. "I want to shove you, but that would be animal abuse." He smirks devilish at me. I scoff at him. Now he threats me? Great. "Why don't you just do it?" I challenge him. Just to see how badass he really is. "I don't hit or shove retarded people." he winks at me, and laughs dumb. "I'm not a handicapped person!" I choke out. Fuck it's starting. My breath gets deeper, and hoarse. "Yes you are. You don't have a job." He scoffs. "You don't have school. What do you even do? Oh, yeah, you write. About how shitty your life is!" He's pushing it too far. My head feels fuzzy.
"Please, stop." I say sweating all over my body. My body is shaking. He starts pushing me, not hard, but enough to knock me to the staircase. I start coughing bad again. "Matt, stop." I feel myself cry. Shane and Gerard react on my coughing. Gerard rushes over and pushes Matt away. Shane grips me and holds me tight, telling me to calm down, but I can't. I feel it in my throat. It's burning, and it's coming. I push Shane away and make it to the toilet. Loudly I cough up blood. Gerard rushes out to me, holding my hair. "Baby, I'm here." he's sad. As soon as I am done, I turn my head to face him. I'm calm again, but my throat is hurting, very bad. So is my lungs. I see blood drooling from my mouth and down on my clothes. "It. Hurts." I growl with my hoarse voice. I don't sound like myself anymore. Gerard pulls me into him, still sitting on the floor in the bathroom. I hear Shane freaking out on Matt in the distance, but I can't hear Matt. Then it comes: "She has fucking cancer, dude! She is going to die it's only a matter of time!" I hear the footsteps from both of them. Their gasps as they see, what a mess I've made. I'm crying again, but I don't have the strength to wipe the tears away. "I. Want to. Go. Home." I whisper to Gerard, who's holding me. He nods, and carries me up in his arms. Shane takes a paper towel and wipes off the drooling blood of my chin. Gerard stops up and looks at Matt. He sends him a mad look. Matt feels awful, I can see that. I do not care, though. I just don't want to be here anymore.