Cancer

6. Paper Girl

Days have passed. Many days have passed. I sit in the waiting room in the hospital. I have my chemo medication in 20 minutes. I am not afraid. I haven't talked to anybody about it. Of course not! Though, I know I need to tell someone soon. I've been crying in my sleep the last few nights. This chemo... I don't think, it's going to work. It didn't last time, so why should it now? When my cancer is getting worse.
It got worse! Why should the chemo work now? It just seems so ridiculous to me. I wonder, what everybody else would think, when I lose my hair. Then they'll realize it. Joey will realize his little sister is dying. And the others will prepare to lose me. I think about what Lyn-z told me. I could always talk to her, if I wanted and needed a friend. I do. I really need a friend. We've been talking and texting a lot the last days. We've become really close friends. But I am not sure, it's the right time. Yet. I told the guys I was going for a walk. Daniel accepted and let me go.
"You ready?" Charlie, my dr. approaches me in the doorframe. I stand up and follow him into a hospital bed. "Please, lay down, Lou. You remember how this works?" I nod slowly. I close my eyes and let him do his job. I am not good with needles. Yeah, I have tattoos, but it's not the same thing.
"You did better than last time, Louisa." A nurse tells me. My sight is blurred, and I feel sick to my stomach. But I haven't puked. Yet. "I don't feel that well." I admit to the nurse as she helps me sit up. "Remember what I told you last time?" I nod. Something about pulling your head between your legs, but I'm not sure. I just don't want to be here anymore. Charlie sits on his knees in front of me. "You know, you will lose your hair soon, sweetheart. Like, in 3 weeks." He looks apologizing at me, as I stand up. I am almost crying. More like panicking. What am I doing? I have to tell someone. I have to get help. I have to tell them. I... "I'm sorry, honey." Charlie says from my behind. I hug him, but turn to go. "I got to get out of here, I'll see you next week, Charlie." He nods and I disappear in the crowd of people, and appear again in the parking lot. I get in the car and pull out my phone. Messages from Trevor from the last days. It's all about my grounding. How him and Shane aren't allowed of Joey to text me. I find Lyn-z's number. But decide not to call. I don't want to show up all pathetic and dramatic. I decide to drive home.

Joey and Daniel suddenly stands in the doorframe to my room, looking at me from their spot. I sit on my bed staring out the window. I've been in this position since I got home from the hospital. I've been crying a lot. Feeling miserable, almost feeling every little cancer cell in my body eating my innocent little fighters inside of me. I feel them die. I feel myself slowly die. Joey knocks on the doorframe. "Yeah?" I choke out as a whisper. "You know, this grounding-thing really sucks for all three of us, so we call it off, deal? But you have to tell us, when you leave, okay Louisa?" I nod. "Thank you." I smile for myself. I haven't looked up at them yet. I'm just looking at the sky through my window. "Would you like to join us for dinner?" Daniel asks polite. I nod. "Coming in a few." I reply. They leave the door open. I rise to my feet and get over to the window. I open it and poke my head out. The fresh air hits me like a tsunami. "Feeling better?" I ask myself. I pull my head inside again. "Much better." I say and walk downstairs to find Trevor, Shane, Tyler, Joey and Daniel eating pizza while watching the Ellen show. I join them on the floor eating pizza. They all seem so happy to see me. "The Twins reunited!" Trevor yells and jump down on my arm. I hiss and feel tears come to my eyes. He looks afraid at me. I look down at my arm. It's all blue and purple from the chemo medication session earlier. "What happened to you?" Trevor asks me shocked. "I'm okay. I just fell." I lie. He scoffs at me, but pushes away the thought and lie on me again.
I've been hanging out with Lyn-z a lot the last days after I was sat free by Joey. It has been awesome. I met her husband. Gerard Way, who is my favorite singer. This is sick... it's surreal that my other family is my role models. Lyn-z knows. She knows I know who her family is. And that I knew who she was when we met first time. She also knows I am not a crazy fan. I am just a friend, who also happen to like their music.
Trevor and Shane have been over as well. And Tyler. Shane told me about a friend of his is going to live with him and Trevor. He's Canadian. I'm looking forward to meet him, yet I'm scared. Trevor doesn't like him very much. He says, he's a rude loner. But hey, Shane was rude at first to me. This person can't be worse than him.