BlurryFace (Joshler 1/3)

Six||L a n e B o y

    He's not in school.

He's not here.

  I look over at the empty seat next to me as I bite my lip. A nervous feeling overcame me again, why wasn't he in school? He's not dropping out is he? Maybe it's cause he noticed I was different? Why is it that whenever I was around Josh I felt safe?

  No panic attacks, no panic attacks, Repeating it to my self over and over again. It's only been about a week of knowing Josh and I already felt attached to the guy. Why is it that Josh was so irrestiable. Something about him just caught my attention. I would never make attachments like this, in fear of being replaced or in fear of it being a joke, I still fear that while being in this friendship with Josh, yet I can't help but be  attached.

  Something about the way he hid his emotions and feelings so well. The way he ignored every single thing about him being different like he didn't even know he was different. The way he ignored how everyone ignored me and how there was something different about me. It was just the way he moved through life so carelessly. Maybe he's grown up in a perfect life, and maybe his family has told him it's okay to be different, hence the colored hair.

Maybe he's not depressed at all or even different.

Maybe he's found a loophole in the whole darkness and different thing. God, I'm overthinking this way too much. I found my self glancing over at Joshes seat way too many times during our classes. Nothing felt right. I can't let someone have such a huge impact on my life because if he really does leave forever...what will that do to me?

It felt weird to do everything alone again. It reminded me of the day last week when he didn't show up. Will this become a regular thing? Will he not show up now? Maybe it's because of something I did last night. Dammit, I'm so inconsiderate!

"He's normal Tyler...listen-" Blurryface began as he sat across the table from me. I shook my head while taking a bite of my sandwich. "No. I'm not listening..." Even though there was parts of me that wanted to believe Blurryface, I couldn't. I refused to believe that Josh was normal. "You know that other day...the one where he wasn't here? Well remember I went out and saw him again? He said he wasn't feeling well okay?" I shot back, the memories replaying in my bed. The way he swung on the tire swing and the way we exchanged numbers.

"You're going to get hurt." Blurryface hissed. I scoffed, "Since when do you care about me getting hurt? Your job is to get me hurt!" Silence. He said nothing because he knows it's true. I've had Blurryface for a few years now, I know what he tries to do everytime. He pities me, tries to get me to see him as my friend, and then destroys me.

And so far...it's worked everytime.
-

"Tyler! How was school?" My mom asked as I walked into the kitchen heading for the refrigerator to grab a drink. "Okay." I replied, my eyes not glancing from my bottle.

She sighed, "You say that everyday." I shrugged, why was she so hooked up on me these past few days, it's not like she cares. "Come, sit." She mentions, pulling out a chair from besides her, and patting down onto the cushioned seat. I stood there for a few minutes, the lid of the drink resting on my lips as I thought. Should I bolt for my room now or actually sit and listen to her lecture?

"Come." She repeated, now turning fully around to look at me. I sighed and dragged myself forward, plopping myself in the chair and placing my drink beside me on the table.