Before The End (One Direction)

19. Home

The song for this chapter is Isn't she lovely sang by Mr. Harry Styles himself. It just had to be that version. Thanks for reading :)

Harry's POV ~

Eery darkness surrounded us as we stepped across the threshold of my flat. Upon flicking the lights on, I found that nothing had changed during the many months I was away. It was messy in a way that almost complimented it. It was comfortable and familiar. I didn't say anything to Annie as we walked further into the apartment, instead setting my backpack down on the black leather of the couch and continuing on. It wasn't until I'd arrived, that I'd realized how much I missed my apartment.

"How long has it been since you've been here?" Annie asked pulling me out of my mesmerized trance.

"A couple months at least," I said straightening a photo on the wall. It was of me and the boys. "Feel free to wander."

"Was the sports car out front yours?" She asked smiling as she admired the decorative place mats on the countertop. I'd decorated well before I lost my mind. Everything was expensive and strategically placed.

"It was," I said proudly. "Not that I drive it much. I prefer to get rides these days."

She continued on down the hall out of my sight. I found myself in the kitchen pouring a glass of water. When I'd downed that, I went after her. I found her down the hall infront of the door that concealed what would have been my childs bedroom. It was closed, revealing the hand painted little pink heart that I'd put on the back myself next to the letter E. Annie ran her hand over the paint gently.

"This was her room wasn't it?" She said softly.

"Yeah," I bit my lip. "Its kind of a mess but if you want to see it...."

I opened the door gently before she could respond and walked in. She followed close behind me. I hadn't been inside Emma's room in a very long time. Even when I was living here I avoided venturing through her closed door. I couldn't bring myself to face the future I'd lost.

Her room wasn't as bad as it could have been. I'd stacked the broken splinters of wood that had been parts of her crib and dresser up against the walls in a somewhat neat fashion so that they weren't strung across the room anymore. Her small colorful clothes were folded messily in side a single lone drawer that had survived my vicious attack. The drawer didn't have a dresser to sit in so it sat alone in the open. The stuffed animals were strewn everywhere. I'd freaked out and left the room upset before getting to that part of the cleanup process. The single teddy bear that had been hers at the hospital sat away from the rest silently mocking me for everything I'd done leading up to her loss.

A knot formed in my stomach. I pushed it away and faced Annie. She'd followed me in. "Like I said, it's a mess." The dread I felt was different than before. Before, I'd feel as though a million pounds of pure sadness and hopelessness was falling into me, making me incapable of functioning. I wouldn't be able to hold back the screaming and crying and panic. I wouldn't be able to think or breath or do anything but feel like I was dying. It was different this time. I could feel the sadness and the twisting in my gut, and it definitely still hurt, but I could control myself. It was like a pain that brought tears to my eyes, but I still had hope. That hope made all the difference. "Her name was Emma by the way. I don't know if I told you that."

Annie smiled a sad smile. "That's a really pretty name, Harry."

"I thought so too." I smiled too. "She was really pretty too. I mean I know everyone says that all babies look the same but trust me, she just had one of those faces. She was gonna grow up to be fucking beautiful Annie."