Before The End (One Direction)

21. Alone

I think this is one of the more important chapters! Only 2 left!!!!! The song is Can't Help falling in love, the 21 pilots cover...

Harry's POV ~

She swayed forward after speaking, nearly falling if not for me grabbing her shoulders. She was high. After two years, Annie was high again. Judging by the tracks on her arms, I was assuming it wasn't for the first time.

Everything about this revelation made me me want to scream. I could feel the anxiety build up from my stomach and flow to the rest of my body. I felt the urge to drop her and run as far as I possibly could in the opposite direction. I didn't want to deal with this. I couldn't deal with this. I was in no way ready to deal with this.

Next door, I saw a curtain ruffle and saw a glimpse of an eye peering through the glass at the commotion. I looked back at Annies shuddering body and took a deep breath standing her upright. She was so high, I doubted she was completely lucid.

"Annie," I said carefully. "We're going to go back inside the house now, okay?"

She didn't answer me so I grabbed her shoulders firmly and led her through the door myself like an child. The house was quiet and empty and reeked slightly of booze. It was a mess as well. It appeared as though a tornado had gone through ripping the photos off the walls and breaking things. I'd only been here once before but I barely recognized it amongst the mess. I set her in the kitchen armchair and turned so that I wasn't facing her.

This wasn't happening. I didn't have to deal with this. Everything was fine. I was just having a bad dream.

"Harry," I heard her voice come shakily though my fog of panic. "I'm so sorry."

I didn't respond to her. I didn't even look back. I couldn't. I was frozen on the spot trying to keep from shaking. I felt the tears well up in my eyes and rubbed them nervously. Sweat was beginning to pool on my brow. I took a deep breath trying to ignore the screaming in my mind. I'd never felt so helpless. I couldn't deal with myself like this, let alone someone else. I wanted, no I needed, Louis. He atleast had some experience in this.

"I'm so sorry," she was crying now. She reminded me so much of myself that it shocked me.

I turned around quickly. She looked bad. She was wearing clothes that were clearly dirty. Her hair was a mess of tangles and her makeup which was always carefully done, wasn't there. There was dark circles under her eyes. Even in her state, she was still incredibly beautiful. I wanted to make this easier for her. I couldn't imagine what this must all be like for her. "Its- it's okay Annie," I stuttered out. "We- We'll figure this out."

She blinked up at me. "Harry, I tried to ki- kill myself this morning." Her voice was rough and dry and laced with an emptiness that I was all too familiar with. She looked close to sobs. I approached her and grabbed her shaking hand trying to not make eye contact with her.

"Annie, I think you should go to sleep okay? Maybe things will be better if you sleep on it?" Louis used to tell me that alot. Louis was normally pretty good at keeping my shit together. I figured being like Louis for the night might atleast give me something to work with.

She nodded pushing herself up out of the chair and leaning on me for balance. For once, I really didn't want her to touch me. Something about her drug induced demeanor felt dirty to me. I didn't want to feel the shifty stagger beside me. I was such a hypocrite. Regardless, the two of us made our way down the hall to her bedroom where I pulled back the covers and motioned for her to lay down.

She squeezed my hand making no move towards the bed. Instead, she turned to face me. "Do you love me, Harry?"

I winced at the word. Love was not something we ever said. It seemed to be a mutual agreement between us that it wasn't a word we used. Because we never used it, I never felt a need to think about it. The truth was, I didnt really know what love was. I didn't know how it worked, where it was fitting to have it, or who it pertained to. I didn't have any clue at to anything relating to love. Frankly, if I was in love, I hadn't noticed yet. I guess my magnetic and undeniable draw to Annie was the closest thing I'd ever compare to love, but even then I wasn't confident in my ability to love someone. I didnt say anything, instead staring at her with a blank, if not slightly terrified, expression.