Before The End (One Direction)

15. The Beautiful Silence

The song is Count on me by Bruno Mars... this is sort of a filler chapter... like i needed it to be there, but still...

Louis POV~

That was Harrys last very bad day for a while. We sat in the front seat of my car for almost an hour while Harry sobbed. He looked pathetic in the seat. His hollow cheeks were streaked with tears and his hair was hanging limp against his head. His pajamas were ruffled and dirty looking and he was carrying himself the way a wounded animal in the wild might when confronted by a predator. He was hunched and accepting of his fate as he cried and stumbled through his words trying to explain what he'd done after ditching me. He was trying desperately to make me understand his thoughts.

I couldn't. I'd never been in the mind of a recovering drug addict. All I could understand was that Harry had held the drugs in his hands and, whether unconsciously or not, decided not to use. He'd had every reason to use, and nothing was standing in his way. He could have easily done it. I wouldn't have been surprised at all.

I had left the grocery store with full intentions of finding him barely lucid on the sidewalk somewhere with pupils the size of saucers. He was only 5 days sober and yet somehow he'd managed to look his substance of choice in the face and run from it.

I cut him off mid unintelligible rant. "Harry I'm proud of you."

He stared at me blankly. He looked surprised by my words, if not a little intimidated. "How could you be proud?" He choked out after staring at me for a really long moment.

I smiled reassuringly. "Harry, how many times in the last few years have you turned down an opportunity to use?"

He shrugged looking confused. "A couple of times maybe."

"And how many times have you turned down the opportunity to use since Emma?" I asked carefully.

He didn't even flinch at her name. "Like never."

I nodded. "Harry, your 5 days into withdrawals, a self proclaimed drug addict with a whole bundle of other issues and you just turned down the one thing that you've never been able to turn down. How can you even do that? Of course I'm proud!"

I started the car and pulled out of the parking lot without awaiting a response. He didn't give one. Harry was silent for most of the ride home processing my words. I could see the gears turning in his head. When we were almost to the hotel he spoke again. "I just really didn't want to disappoint anybody again."

********

Harry didn't leave the hotel room for the rest of that week. He was very ill and very emotionally distraught, but his attitude was different. He didn't want to fight anymore. He didn't want to constantly blame us for the hell he was experiencing. He was accepting of the criticism and he no longer tried to justify his actions.

Harry's new demeanor was immediate upon our return from that day. Zayn had taken it upon himself to give me the "I told you so" on the topic of whether or not Harry would ditch me as soon as we passed through the door and Harry had unexpectedly agreed with Zayn. He'd also stated that despite the fact that he'd clearly failed in this "feild test," he'd still had a valuable sobering experience to remember. Not once did he get angry about Zayns judgment. It was like he'd immediately turned a new leaf. He started looking for the positive aspects of sobriety and somehow, that made all the difference.

When he was absolutely distraught with emotions, he didn't turn to having manic episodes and screaming at us. Instead, he'd either spend sometime alone in bed with the doors open so we wouldn't worry that he was harming himself or he'd come to us and talk about our days to get his mind off things.