Copyright ✘ One Direction [EDITING]

T H I R T Y

When I was younger, I used to be afraid of heights.

I don't know where it came from or how it left; one day I couldn't go on rollercoasters before sobbing when I got off and the next I enjoyed them. I went from my stomach jumping when I looked out of windows in tall buildings to actually enjoying the view.

At that moment, standing on the balcony with my hands tightly gripping the railing, I got a quick flashback to all those times before. And I just still couldn't believe how much I'd changed.

"Louis loved this place," said Liam. "It was the first one he got after the X Factor. I used to stay here with him all the time instead of getting my own place."

I looked over at him. He was wearing a black hoodie with the Adidas logo splayed across it and loose black sweatpants. His gaze never left the city below him, his words spilled out of his mouth uncontrollably; I watched his Adam's apple bob as he spoke.

"Lou is one of my best friends. Actually, he is my best friend. Of course, I love all the boys, but we just have a history and a connection that's not like what we have with the others. And he's always been one to give me advice. He was the one that suggested I come here and try to fix everything."

I stayed silent.

"Sometimes I say things I don't mean, Carter." He paused. "Which is actually a pretty shitty excuse considering that I've said a lot of things to you. I've done a lot of things I shouldn't have done. And you're right. You should be able to look out for yourself for once, forever."

He finally looked over to me. "My career isn't that important. Because let's face it," he chuckled, "You pretty much are it. You've given us our number ones. And you gave us a chance. Twice." He licked his lips. "Why would I even consider thinking more of my career than I do you?"

I avoided his eye contact. Instead, I set my gaze on a passing plane in the sky. I stuffed my hands in my jacket pockets. "Have you ever thought about...what if I hadn't taken your offer in the first place? If you hadn't admitted at the hospital to stealing my song? If I hadn't written it in the first place?"

"Things would be a hell of a lot different," he mused.

I nodded. "They would. And trust me, Liam, I want to hate you. I've wanted to hate you since the very beginning."

"Then why don't you?"

"Because I can't." I began rocking back and forth on my heels. "How many times have we kissed? Twice? Two times you've made me change my mind about you. Did you know I admitted to myself that I liked you the day we were baking?"

Liam's head snapped up. "You did?"

"Did you know that today, I moved out of my house because my sister is the one who told the media outlets about everything?" I nodded once. "You didn't."

He frowned, "Carter..." He grabbed my hand and made me turn around so we were face to face. I watched his movements as he cupped my face and tilted my head upwards. We locked eyes. "Yes, I didn't know. But what I do know is that I've liked you from the very beginning."

Our foreheads touched. "I liked the mysterious girl behind the hospital curtain. I liked the talented girl who wrote music that touched me. I liked the family-oriented girl. And I like this strong, independent woman that is standing in front of me right now."

"Liam..." I slowly said. I wanted to move, but I didn't. I rested my hands on his shoulders. "Are you sure?"

"Of course, I'm sure."

"Then in that case..." I removed myself from his hold but did not stop looking at him. "I guess it's safe to say that I feel the same. Because although we've been through a lot together, I can't imagine going through it with anyone else."