DEAD INSIDE

(21)

What was I supposed to say to that? I could hardly tell him that it wasn't too late, could I? Because that would have been a lie. So what?

The truth.

"Damian." I wiped my cheeks with the tissue I was still holding in my hand. "Everything is so messed up in my life right now... I'm in no state of mind to open up to you or any boy..." I paused to catch my breath. "Even though I didn't have any deep feelings for Hugo, I still trusted him... I think I'm like scarred or something because while I do think you're handsome, an awesome dancer and a great entertainer, I don't feel anything for you... I'm sorry..."

He made a grimace at that but I shrugged.

"I'd rather tell you the truth than lead you on..." I explained when he still hadn't said a word a minute later.

"Can I ask you a question?" He finally muttered and I nodded. "How did Bellucci know you needed a shoulder to cry on? Did you text him?"

"I did but it wasn't like that..." I answered.

"I see..." He ignored my last statement.

"No, no!" I exclaimed. "It really wasn't like that! I learnt something tonight and I...I wasn't feeling good but I didn't want to call the girls again..." I paused. "I don't want to be a burden to them and things are so shitty at the moment that I keep sending them SOS..." I clenched my hands. "Milo and I have been communicating and I don't know what went through my mind, I kind of inferred that I wasn't feeling so well in a text... He kind of told him comforting girls in distress weren't his forte, end of story..." I was fully aware that I was rambling now but I really wanted to get my point across.

"Alison..." He murmured. "You don't have to justify yourself, you know. Even though I doubt he has it in him to make anybody happy..." I frowned at that. He sounded like he knew what he was talking about. "Especially after the way he treated you, high or not high, he shouldn't have put a hand on you..." His anger was back.

"Don't you think I know that?!" I interjected. "That's exactly why I'm making sure you understand that me texting Milo tonight had nothing to do with an infatuation or a crush..." I went on, hoping he'd get it this time.

I groaned when I saw how unconvinced he looked.

"Damian, why on earth would I crush on a boy who's not only attacked me but who also has issues that would take years of therapy to unravel?!" I finally cried out.

"For the same reason I crush on a girl who will never feel the same..." He mumbled after pulling me to him and wrapping his arms tightly around my shaking body.

I started crying uncontrollably.

"I don't even know why I'm crying..." I admitted, still buried against his chest.

"I kind of do..." He chuckled above me.

"You do?" I asked after lifting my head so I could look into his blue eyes.

"I do..." He offered me a sad smile. "How about you let me in and you get back under those warm-looking covers of yours? You're going to catch a cold..."

I did as he'd told me and froze when he crawled next to me and pulled me to him so my back was to his chest. I was still holding my breath when he turned the light off.

"Breathe, Alison..." He whispered. "You did say that I'd make a great teddy bear, didn't you?"

I had, he was right.

"This doesn't feel right..." I whispered back.

"Isn't it what friends do?" He argued.

It was, yeah but was Damian a friend?