You Found Me (COMPLETED)

Chapter 23

Harry's POV

Finally! It's finally winter break. No more school for a month. I really hope Louis wakes up soon. Especially since his birthday and Christmas are 2 weeks away. I sighed and grabbed all my things and walked over to where Niall and Liam were waiting by the car. "Hey can we come with you to the hospital?" Niall asked. "Yeah of course." I smiled. I'm so happy they've stuck by side through this. It means so much.

I walked the very familiar route to Louis room. I noticed Lottie sitting by Louis holding his hand while she cried. It had me very worried. "I'm going to make sure Lottie is okay." I said to Liam and Niall before quietly walking into the room. I sat beside her and out my hand on her back making her jump. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you." I said. She looked at me and only cried harder. I pulled her in for a hug. "Hey, hey shhhh babe you gotta calm down! Listen relax and talk to me." I tried to soothe her. It took a few minutes but she nodded and sat up. "I-it's just s-so hard...b-being the oldest r-right now. I-I feel l-like I h-have to be strong for m-mum and the g-girls and e-Ernie. I hold the girls at night while they cry. Or ill walk in on mum crying. I s-stay strong for them but I just want to scream and cry. I want to be held and told that everything gonna be okay but it's not. I need my brother back! We all do!" She cried. I was taken aback by her sudden outburst but I understood. I felt the same way. I only cried when I was alone. I didn't wanna show the girls or Jay that I was losing hope. "Listen Lots I know how it is to keep it all in. And try to be the strong one. It's not gonna help. You need to talk about it like you just did. You can always come to me. But love things are getting better. Lou is gonna wake up. We just have to keep faith. Your not alone in this! You never will be so please don't feel like it. We're all trying to get by. But we need each other to get there. Louis needs all of us. So if you need to break down and cry do it. W-we all do." I spoke with tears falling. She wrapped me in a hug although it didn't work to much with my belly in the way. "Thanks Harry." She said giggling along as I laughed at the awkward hug. "Anytime...were a family!" I smiled.

After everything else went a lot better Lottie stayed and hung out with Liam, Niall, and I. They sat around the room talking and telling stories. It was nice. I sat and listened but I didn't talk. I was too focused on Louis. I need him back. I miss him so much. I miss his hugs. His kisses. His constant worrying. The way his eyes lit up when he was happy. The way his eyes crinkled when he laughed. I miss him so much.

Everyone had said their "see you laters" to Louis because it was past visiting hours. I sat down quickly since everyone was out of the room. "Hey Lou," I smiled grabbed his hand. "I miss you so much! You gotta wake up baby! Fast. Everyone is falling apart without you, including me. Please Boo keep fighting! I love you so so so much!" I kissed his forehead and stood up. "Ready?" Liam asked. I nodded and we all headed out.

We all sat in the car driving back to Louis and I's house. Niall and Liam sat up front chatting about random things while Lottie and I sat in the back not really paying attention to anything. I gasped and brought my hand to my stomach. "Harry?" Lottie asked grabbing Liam and Niall's attention. Liam looked worriedly but kept his eyes in the road. I felt a tear fall as I felt the flutter again. And again. "What's wrong?" Lottie looked terrified. "Here." I brought her hand to the spot on my stomach. She gasped. "She's kicking..." I nodded and smiled through the happy but also sad tears. Sad because Louis wasn't here to feel her kick.

"Thanks for the ride guys. I'll talk to you tomorrow." I thanked Niall and Liam. "No problem." They smiled back. I walked with Lottie inside but we made sure to stay quiet since it was 11pm and both twins could be asleep. "Hey guys. Foods in the oven for you." Jay said as we walked in. Lottie thanked her and went to get her plate. "Harry? Something wrong?" Jay asked setting down her tea and patting the spot next to her. "S-she kicked T-today for the first time." I spoke quietly. "That's great!" She smiled. "Yeah b-but..." I trailed off. "Love Louis would've loved to have been there but he's still here. He's fighting and when he wakes up he'll be estatic to know about it." She smiled hugging me softly. "Thanks Jay." I fake smiled.

Everyone had went to bed but I couldn't sleep. I sat on the couch just staring off and thinking. The TV was off and everything was quiet. Just me and my mind...which was always where things went wrong for me. Why do I have to go fuck everything up when it's finally getting better? I'm a screw up. My parents were right. I am worthless. I fuck everything up. I ruin everything. If I would've stayed away from Louis in the beginning he wouldn't be hurting. His family wouldn't be hurting. I can't do this anymore. I need him. God I mess everything up! I clenched my fists getting a familiar feeling. I can't. I can't. I promised him. I'm pregnant. I can't. I let out a choked sob, curling into a ball. I need it.

I stood up shakily and walked to the bathroom in Louis and I's room. I shut the door and sank to the floor. I searched under the sink until I came across it. I held in in my hand. You deserve this! You deserve all of this! I let out a cry as I slid the shiny metal across my wrist. Your worthless. Your a screw up! I let it slide four more times before I realized what I had just done. I started crying harder. What have I done. I grabbed my phone and called the one person I knew could help.