help //m.c.\\

chapter twenty-three

         "I can't fucking believe you." He growled at me and dragged me to a different room.

"You can't just lead me on like this and fucking say you want me not him and then go eat his face. Are you fucking serious?" He screams as we enter a different room.

"Michael I trip-"

"Shut the fuck up you whore. I fucking hate you. I actually thought you were telling the truth. But of course I should've known you were fucking lying. You are exactly like everyone else. You just want to fuck around and hurt people. You don't want to actually love someone. Shit, I thought I had a chance with you. I'm so fucking stupid for thinking that. I'm done with this shit. I'm done with lies and girls. And I'm especially done with you." That fucking hurt.

"Are you going to let me talk now?" I said trying to hold back my tears.

"Why? Why should I? All that you are going to tell me is lies."

"I tripped. He kissed me. I didn't kiss back."

"Whatever."

"Go ask him."

"I'm not going to talk to that son of a bitch. I already asked him to stay away from you. Clearly he doesn't fucking know how to listen."

"Michael, I turned my face to try to get away. He held my face so that I wouldn't." I walk up to him and rest my hands on his chest.

"Get the fuck off of me hoe." He shoves me into the wall and walks out of the room, slamming the door. When he shoved me, I fell into a side table with a lamp on it. I tripped over the chord and landed on the glass. By now I was balling. I curled up into a ball and I could feel the blood dripping out of my hands. This was pain I could feel. Not just on the outside. I felt rejected and cold. Like no one wanted me. It was worse than my dad. My whole body was numb and I remembered that I always had this thing in the back of my phone case. I pulled out my phone and tore off the case to find what I wanted.

"I haven't seen you in a while." I mumbled down at the silver blade in my hands. There were already cuts in my hands from the glass. I connected the blade to my left wrist and swiped. Slow and deep. I had done about six and my arm was pouring out blood. The sight gave me chills, but it eased the pain. It gave me that reassurance that I was still living. At sometimes, I wished I wasn't.

       I sat in the room until I couldn't feel the bass from the boys. I had fallen asleep and I laid in the glass and blood. When I opened the door, all of the lights were off and there wasn't a sign of any one. I left the building and walked until I found the apartments. I put my flannel on before I went in so that they wouldn't see. I need to start wearing my bracelets again. I looked down and opened the door. It was warm and I couldn't really see anything. It was extremely bright and I was embraced by a pair of tan arms.

"Where were you? No one was scared and they knew you would turn up, but I wanted to know you were safe. Michael told us you went to get food and you never came back." Calum said. I walked past him and tried to enter my room, but he grabbed my wrist. I didn't want to deal with this shit.

"What's wrong?"

"I want to go to bed." I whispered before he walked with me to my room.

"Thank you." I felt like he needed it.

"For what?"

"Worrying when no one else would." He nodded and took in my flushed face. I walked in and shut and locked the door. I washed my blade in the sink and put it back in my phone case. I washed off my makeup with the nearest rag. I looked at myself and thought how pathetic I looked. It made me look desperate. I knew I was though. I looked so gross and my hair was a mess. My flannel was stuck to my arm due to the open cuts. I took all of my close off and turned on the bath water. When it was full of warm water, I stepped in. All of the blood turned the water an orange color. Hamlet ran into the bathroom and sat at the edge of the bath. He looked at me with sad eyes, like he knew what I had done. I reached out to pet him and he licked my wrist. He was the only one that I wanted to talk to right now. Even though he couldn't answer, I didn't care.