help //m.c.\\

chapter twenty-seven

       "I-I uh." I looked back down and my heart was racing. I didn't know what to say. Why did he think right now was the time to address me? I needed more to think. I didn't know what to do so I turned around and walked back into the bathroom.

"What the fuck?!" I whisper yelled at my reflection. I threw to towel off my head and ran my fingers through it a couple times. I didn't have my clothes because they were out in my room. I wiped my face so that there wasn't any makeup left on it. I opened the door again and Michael was still there, but he had his head in his hands. When he realized I came back, he got up and walked closer to me. Hamlet started growling, but I just shushed him.

"So, can we talk?" He asked again.

"Can I get dressed first?" He nodded and awkwardly faced the other way. Jesus Christ, there was so much awkward tension. If this was Luke, it would be so much worse. I threw on some random band t-shirt and some shorts after I had my bra and underwear on.

"Okay." was all I said before he came back and sat beside me. He wouldn't look at me when he sat down. He just kept playing with his bracelets, which I knew was one of his nervous habits.

"I-I'm sorry. I know I made you feel like shit. I should have just let you talk. Luke told me that what you said was true. I'm so fucking stupid."

"Luke told you?"

"Yeah, he told me that he had to squeeze it out of you. And when he did, you almost didn't cry. You locked yourself in the bathroom and wouldn't let him in."

"That motherfucker." I mumbled. Michael chuckled. I didn't have a long sleeve shirt on. My cuts looked bad today and shit, if he saw. I quickly grabbed the blanket and covered myself up.

"When you came back from shopping or whatever you did, I was so fucking pissed at myself. I promised you that I wouldn't let anything fuck up what we had, but then I went and fucked anything and everything we had. I didn't mean to shove you. Are you okay? Did it cut you?" He grabbed my hand to look. I ripped it back so that he couldn't see my hand.

"It gave me little cuts, but I'll live."

"It just makes me feel like shit because I hurt you. I didn't mean to. I thought you had lied to me and I really, really like you. So much that it hurts."

"And you think it doesn't hurt me? Michael, you were the first guy that actually liked me back. You accepted me for who I was and for the background I came from. You made me feel like I was someone new. I was so fucking happy I found you. I have spent a well amount of time sitting in self pity. I know I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it. You made me a promise and I shouldn't have expected it to be kept. My mom made me promises that I would always be safe. We all know how that turned out. Michael, when you told me you were done with me, I had no motivation to do anything. I didn't even want to live. It hurt me so fucking much. You don't understand how horribly I handled this. I know it only happened a couple days ago, but this was unbearable pain. I could feel it on the inside. The only time that has ever happened was when my mom died. I haven't been able to sleep. I can't eat. I can't think without you coming up. If you say it hurts you more than it hurt me, I'm going to fucking murder you." I spat out in frustration. My eyes were glossy and my throat burnt. He was looking at me with wide eyes and every time he opened his mouth, nothing came out.

"Are you going to sit there and look at me or say something?" I tried reading his expression.

"I'm sorry." He said looking down. Are you fucking kidding me? Sorry? That wouldn't cut it.

"Can you get out please?" I am so fucking stubborn. I didn't want to give him what he wanted to hear.

"But-" He raised his head to ramble on about something that would just waste my time.

"Please?" I wouldn't look him in the eyes. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve before he walked out of my room. I wanted him so bad. He just didn't want me as bad. I get that he came to me first, but I wasn't ready for him to come tell me that it hurts him. My heart is sobbing on the inside. I don't like to cry in front of people because it makes me look like a fucking pussy. I mean, not everyone takes things the same. So when people cry about things like this, I understand. I just don't like to. I can't fucking handle being on my own. I wanted him and my fucking mouth ruined it. But he didn't understand the impact he had on me. Hamlet jumped up on the bed for me to cuddle him. I heard a door slam and Michael screamed in frustration. Great, now the boys are going to find out about this. Luke was going to fucking bother me until I spat it out. I laid down next to Hamlet and closed my eyes. He was so warm. he laid his head in my neck and sighed. I love this dog so fucking much. He was my rock. I'm so happy that Liz let me get him. Hamlet had grown so much in the past month. Its like just yesterday he was the size of Luke's shoe. Now, he looks almost full grown. Once again I heard a door slam and heavy foot steps that led straight to my room.

"Jesus Christ, I hate how fucking stubborn you are." He grabbed my face and smashed our lips together.