Familiar feeling

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Andrew's Pov

Feeling that slight sharp pain in my arm as I stuck that needle in my vein. That feeling was too familiar. Seconds after injecting that shit in my veins a sweet and bitter feeling overwhelmed me, I was relived that the pain and anger was gone but at the same time I knew it was only momentarily because as soon as the high went away, the pain of breaking being sober will kick in.

That only made me want more, pain is too much to deal with, maybe just one more hit, that way the pain will dissappear for awhile longer. That's what happens when heroin gets ahold of you, it won't let you go that easy, even if you want to let go, it will always have that strong grip around your throat. Just with that first taste, it will leave you begging for more.

Even if the high hasn't worn off yet, I needed more. After awhile I couldn't take it anymore, I went back to where my drug dealer lived to get more heroin or whatever he has. As long as it got me high and fucked up I would take it. My hand started to hurt because of how many times I knocked on his front door. My body shook of nervousness, just the thought of withdrawal scared the fuck out of me.

After various punches on the hardwood door he finally came out. He said pissed off, "what the fuck do you want man, I was sleeping". My mouth was so dry I could hardly talk "I need some more gear man". His face told the whole story "are you serious man, don't be waking me up just so you can get high, anyways do you have the money?"

Scratching my head I say, "come on please hook me up again dude, just this once". That's when the door slams in my face. The fear of crashing really hit me hard, it rattled me, anxiety was starting to kick in as the high was wearing off. I kept on banging on his door, trying to convince him to come out. But unfortunately after awhile of banging my fist on the hardwood door, I gave up.

After twenty minutes when I was walking home, drowsiness started kicking in, with each step I felt like I was going to pass out. I wasn't about to give up though, my house was just a few steps away. Finally I manage to get to my house and into the living room, that's when my knees buckled and I started falling, originally I was aiming for the couch but ended up hitting the living room floor.

The next morning I woke up uneasy, all I could think about was getting my hands on anything that would get me high, I headed straight to school, not just because I wasn't really hungry but also the fact of looking at my mom the same way. She was so proud that I finally was clean and now well heh you know what I am. The sad part is the only thing on my mind right now was to feel that high, not because it feels good, no no no, I need it just to feel normal.

Anxiety was killing me, each class was going by slower and slower. Finally I reached that point where I couldn't take it anymore. I decided to skip English class to see if I can score at least something. I hopped the fence without any struggle. Each street I passed there were no sign of any dealers. Frustrated and filled with anxiety, I decided to try my old dealers house again.

I get there and pound on the door repeatedly. There was no answer, I wasn't about to give up so easily. The window to his bedroom was slightly opened. Without hesitating I open the window and climbed in. There it was a jackpot of drugs just sitting there on the bed, my mouth watered in excitement. Literally just sitting there was bags of coke, heroin, meth, etc. I took whatever fit in my pockets.

Suddenly I hear footsteps approaching, I nervously hid under the bed. Hearing my old dealer Jayson talking on the phone made me even more nervous. Suddenly I hear him pause and he says with rage "what the fuck, some of my shit is missing". Then I hear him searching frantically for the missing drugs. He says to the person on the other end of the phone "damn it man someone stole my merchandise, shit!!!!!"

Sweat was dripping down my face as Jayson started throwing and breaking stuff in his room out of frustration. Just the thought of him catching me in his room made me nauseous. Finally after a few minutes he left the house. I got out of there as fast as I could, I've never been so happy to see my school.  The first thing I did was go around to the back of the school and put some heroin in my system, just so I wouldn't crash.

The first hour was great, heroin makes you feel like a fucking race car but after awhile you start running out of gas. By the time school was about to end, I was feeling so drowsy. Not to mention it was getting hard to breathe. I didn't want to walk home so I took the bus. When I got home I headed straight to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror I noticed my pupils were dotted. I ran straight up to my room and hid the drugs, I hid them in a small hole that was in my mattress.

My dad knocked on my door and said "Andrew dinner is ready, come down and spend time with us". Choking up a little I answer "ok, I'll be down in a minute". Making sure everything was hidden I finally go downstairs. My plate was already at the dinner table, I sat down and joined my parents. My mom asked me "why didn't you eat breakfast today, you didn't even say goodbye before school, is there anything wrong?"

I answered "no, I was just in a hurry, I forgot there was something important I had to do". I never liked lying to my parents but I know the truth will destroy the happiness they have these days. They struggle with bills and just to put some food on the table, let's just say they don't need my situation on their plate.

Plus If they find out, I know they would hardly be able to look at me the same way. People already see me as just another junkie, at least my parents still see me as a human being...well for now. God knows I want to stop now, I should stop. All it takes is one little taste and you know she's got you. She has that hold over you, like if it owns you.

You crave for it like if you were craving someone's love. The funny part is that you find yourself loving the substance more than you love another person, you begin loving the drug more than you love yourself. Sure I would love to quit now but I find myself lost in the trance of all the bullshit drugs. People think it's easy to quit, they all say "just give it up".

Give it up, just give it up. Isn't that a familiar feeling. I repeat that in my head over and over as I'm about to pop a pill or stick a needle in my arm, GIVE IT UP. My mom snaps her fingers "Andrew, what may be going through that head of yours?"

Snapping out of the day dream I was in, I answer "I was just thinking of how delicious this meatloaf is". My mom was proud of herself "why thank you Andrew". After dinner I go up to my room and try to do some homework. My father then walks in and says "you know son, after all these years I could've sworn you hated your mother's meatloaf, I just came up here to say that I'm always here for you son, you can always trust your old man".

I got up from the floor and hugged my father, I said "thanks dad, for everything". As my dad was walking out of the room he says "oh son, please don't ever lie to your mother about how good the meatloaf was, now she's going to keep on making it". I laughed as he walked out, when that door shut I immediately began to cry.

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